"plak!";
x 9:19 pm
so sick of ....so tired ...
what's the point? you don't like it, you ponder really hard over WHY you do it, you get NOT abit of satisfaction, only JUST some really uncalled-for criticism from your fellow guys, which can BREAK my idea of a perfect weekend and screw UP my hitherto joyful self, THE point of which is meaningless, since i'm sick of hanging out with a BAND.
at least, just let me be on my own. its just becoming a waste of time, doing the things i don't like, finding no apparent joy and reason in, and i want out from the conflict which i have attracted at numerous times, when i felt i was needed just because well, that's really the reason i'm there for. if you could have done it better, or at all, you wouldn't have needed me. on the other hand, i never needed you. what started out as an experiment, then grudgingly into something i had little reason to leave, to something i found a bore, then a chore, to something i finally had to admit no longer enjoyed a single bit, a particular something which took my valuable weekends and cast them into oblivion. really, where are the hours i spent jamming? i'm weeping as i try to snatch back the minutes from every single thing i do.
but how do i go about wanting out?
"plak!";
x 11:07 pm
my virgin outfield experience-7 months from enlistment
just went outfield. took a great deal of sleeping to 'recover'
woke up at 8 am, played comp till 10.30 am, slept till 2 pm, played comp till 3.30, slept till 6.30...
whatever happened to my saturday!!
"plak!";
x 11:24 pm
oh yeh?
sis," kor i have a 4 hour-straight lecture tmr leh!!!!"
me, "go enlist in the army"
i swear i wasn't smiling.
"plak!";
x 6:55 pm
this is your life, are you who you want to be? NO you cannot be.
a new, exciting, yet dangerous period.
your boots just started to feel snug around you
but no, instead they bind your feet
lacerating ankles and liberating toe nails
its no difference really
the sun soaks up the moisture of the men out there, while
the office worker gets dessicated from air conditioning
sucked, nonetheless.
trudging painfully, with a not-at-all subtle blood trail
wondering when this will ever end
shame! all the manhours regrettably wasted
makes you squeeze every bit of it.
hippocampus growing out of scalp
lungs contracting beyond an aureole
arms disconfigured
feet mangled.
HOW LONG MORE before i succumb?
"plak!";
x 9:10 pm