my sis is still whining about why i always deserve better treatment, dun care about this and that etc. i dun actively pursue a policy of demoralise-and-destroy, but if there's ever such a thing, chances are, its self-inflicted. but why? if she had studied harder for psle at least, she probably would be talking the same language as me(not as in english/chinese). if only you had studied harder..there wouldn't be this rift..no perceived superiority/inferiority gap. Even you know there's such a thing in society. but hey, at least i'm not accentuating it. at least not to you. be grateful. i'm just leading my life..just rather different from my other cousins, different from you. i didn't want it that way. it just happened. not my fault that never looked through the poly courses and skipped right to the jc pages. think if this way, if everyone were in poly and u were in jc you'd think everyone despises you for *insert jc negative portrayal* too...life is never to be balanced..but everyone gets time to grow up..i still am too..and stop asking why i got all the good genes. as far as i see it, neither of my parents have any such good or smart genes so dun blame me for absconding with all of them..everyone has like the same number of chromosomes..you wouldn't want to have extra..you'd instead be stupid. hardly about genetics in these things. even good looks are rarely passed down. it's really not my fault i went to jc. i know i'm different, but it's not my fault!!!!!!!!!!zzzzzz--------

on a lighter note, enlistment's this friday, the 16th of march. notice, *lighter note*. i'm about to lose my freedom as a civilian, and yet the confinement is strangely liberating. i'm about to get away from it all..on most days of the week. my attitude ought to change. when i am faced with physical demands, i'd say, "what could be worse than aj hockey training!" and when faced with mentally challenging tasks, i'd say, "what could be worse than 'A' levels!" and when faced with emotional turmoil, i'd say,"what could be worse than the breakup!" in a way its a healthy sense of oblivion and imperviousness i have regarding the world around me.

anyway i roughly know what to tell the medical officer on friday already(this is the full expanded damn long-winded edition, i will size it down as necessary) :

As you can see from both copies of the memo, my back pathology is more severe than is listed on official documentation, which classifies me under a PES B, with only slight mention of a lower back pain. However, it goes far deeper than that. Why this would be so is the fact that I have lost a great deal of flexibility and sudden erratic movements will cause a whole lot of pain to shoot down mylower right back and into my right leg, resulting in a profound numbing and piercing sensation, which is always an unwelcome experience. Not only that, but my back has been unable to cope with heavy loads, regardless of whether the initial posture for lifting the load is correct or not. The numbing and piercing sensation would usually start the next morning following prolonged stresses on my back, which can be just a mere 5 kg over a couple of hours. the pain usually lasts three days, but it is not uncommon to have it extended. Hence, with these symptoms, i set about inquiring about my condition. Although the causes of back pain are elusive as my specialist has informed me, I do believe it is due to my previous period of intense hockey training, of which tensile stresses are set up along the back muscles and backbone. regardless, the orthopaedist,neurologist and physiotherapist has determined that the one course i should take now is to request for a magnetic resonance imaging to be done up following an initial investigation. This is so, as I have a suspected slipped disc, and all other methods of diagnosis are either currently unavailable, or that there simply is little way to find out other than through the mri, of which i can ill afford on my own expense. (and now, the one phrase i have to sink into that guy's head)

It has been more than half a year and my condition is deteriorating. Apparently, the nerve bundle adjacent to the spine which runs down the spinal cord is being pressurised by an extrusion of the alleged slipped disc, the severe cases of which would lead to PERMANENT PARALYSIS. Hence you would not want to mess with me, and think i'm a fucking chao keng. You won't want to be held responsible for anything untoward, not to my parents.

anyway wee liang just told me the commanders are usually from poly so they wun understand what the heck i'm talking about. that's the good thing about the army. lol. but as long as they get intimidated.

im bringing my parents along to see the MO. and kenneth's going with me too. he'll ensure the MO is gonna piss in his pants. hah. if not for this dumb back ailment, i'd be more than happy thrashing everyone in running, sprinting, pull-ups etc. come on, we're all napfa failures. but at least i have gold for all stations except the sucky big jump. and i've a total of 25 points!!!WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK and with my back i can't even get a pass for sit and reach anymore. its depressing. i used to reach 50 plus cm. touch my toes. touch the floor with my palm. force my forehead onto my knee...too much taunting of my classmates and i finally get retribution. sigh.

really, only one picture can describe the feeling:

arrOWnage.