I don't wanna fall to pieces ,
i juz wanna sit & stare at u .
I dun wanna talk about it ,
coz im in love with u .
i'm sorry to you and for myself
i'm so sorry for everything. i must apologise so badly. to whom, i wouldn't know. i just want to apologise. let's say for everyone i've hurt in my 18 years of existence. recently, i think i might have become ego. but i dun think that's the reason why, it seems that i've lost myself. i need to find back who i am by putting out in words what i've done and what i'm associated with. bear with me. its not easy, especially with whatever pots and pans fate throws at me. amnesia is a double-edged sword. not that i have a choice.
its weird how i can be so different with different people how i can talk so much in person but never through any other medium with one how i can chat so much online but never in person with another how i can ignore people online but look forward to meeting them in person how i can love people but hate myself how i can tell people of my own matters i dun care about but rarely being interested in others' how i can not think and talk and the same time how i can think and never talk at other times how i can wish for things to occupy and tire me out while i want my own time to play how i can have my own time to play but not know how/what to play how i can be concerned for others but not concerned for myself how i can let people trust me though i don't trust them how i can keep secrets though i wonder why they fall onto my ears in the first place how i can fulfill the promises i make most of the time, be they meaningful, or meaningless how i can regard some with my heartfelt empathy but some with chilling indifference how i can bore people while entertaining myself how i can teach my neighbour but probably never going to acknowledge i was her teacher how i can talk heart-to-heart with close friends, really precious ones, yet not to my parents how i can go in circles and no one ever understands how i can go straight to the point and still no one understands how i can feel without knowing how i can know without feeling how i can achieve with nothing how i can wish for certain things no one else would wish for how i can not believe in a god yet in fate how i can believe i am in control of my life but in reality i'm losing it to no one but myself how i can laugh yet feel bitterness and sorrow inside me how i can make people guilty for the slightest bit of concern they have for me how i can get annoyed at what disgusting things couples do when i used to do them myself how i can look people in the eye and have them return it in the most pleasant of ways how i can remember nothing while wanting to know everything how i can not be aware of the most obvious how i can be seen as skilled by one in a craft yet seen as mediocre by another
i realised its about 33 of them. coincidentally, that's my class. but it was coincidental. i've learnt to stop attaching significance to coincidences. that probably is capable of half the disappointments anyone can face.a whole random list of mostly weaknesses. even though i acknowledge them, i do know that i may never come close to perfection. for every flaw you mend, another pops up. i want to alter the status quo, but i guess there's many other things stopping me from attempting so.
i think i'm slipping into it again. took me a good 2 months to snap out of it. even then, so what if i stop. it has to come back some day. it will. there's so medicine but time. but even bacteria develop resistance to antibiotics if you aren't careful. so the best therapy might still be to pour it out onto another. talking seems to be the best therapy. everyone has a certain degree of masculinism/feminism regardless of gender..but i think i'm more imbalanced in my mind. it doesn't bother me. and i dun think its weird, how i find girls interesting to talk to,no matter who. but to guys, even if they were interesting, they probably aren't interesting to talk to. adeline might be right. i can be a good sister. haha. jokes aside, being in the company of guys is simply bo liao at times. its like i don't care. i can fall asleep talking to guys. i'm such a lousy guy friend. i have no love for guys at all. that's extreme, but that's good. i'm far from being gay. i wonder how the cat high choir is now. maybe its 20% gay, with another 30% undeclared? back then i must have been leading a secret crusade(more like hatred) against homosexuals. apparently it failed. haha. its late. i'm waiting in anticipation for mr ng to call me. i wanna go back to cat high and root out the non-aligned beings!! and most importantly, teach geography and enjoy the canteen food =P
why am i so solemn? but haven't i always been like that..that's when i belong to myself.but i want to belong to someone else
herr vs heryk vs herrick o9o488
33`o5
seventeen (:
AJC
loves history, geography and economics irresponsible class rep :P
ex-hockey qm(((((=
~ skenderlers`
Vocalist in "Heryk and Friends" (what a gay name =D) 4p@t3ht|c atheist
so glad to know you
.. i've been happier ever since
"plak!";