|| .burnynng on just lyke a matchh you stryyke to incynerate ||

do i still believe in fate-look what it did to me(but i still do)

i'm more miserable than i seem to be.

its gonna take a miracle for me to love another girl. and i don't believe in miracles since you've proved that miracles can never happen no matter how much one hopes and puts in effort.

i shocked myself by the sudden impulse flashing across my head:to dash out, in front of an oncoming car. yet, this i believe to be a further evidence of how much you mean to me that i'll do such things, silly as they are.

already, i'm about to tell the world that nothing is fair. you said that to me. i'm gonna be the one who'll BE the reason why the world is going to be unfair. i'll make it so. and i'm gonna fake liking a girl and cheat her of her feelings..her everything..be an infamous obnoxious jerk..just go crazy and be anti-life..there is nothing that can sate my appetite for revenge. ironic that you're the last one i'll take revenge upon. cos in spite of everything, i still love you. it was only that i was forced to stop loving you.

the new week is about to start. i only hope si min will cheer me up seriously..i'm winding into a cycle of depression soon..while on thursday the class girls should be going out to kbox and i'm going too..whatever happened to class outings dudes..and what's with the anti-chalet sentiments..i had thought we were more united than that..what happened to lan gatherings and marina bay feasts..i hope its not cos of the 'i'm not the class rep' syndrome..that's gonna suck balls, dicks...maybe i'll try asking everyone out next week then since i have some form of the 'i'm the class rep' syndrome, the antithesis of the previous syndrome. HAH. so funny.

and on saturday i'll be going to east coast to pedal a double bike with you..maybe i find assurance that you told me nothing has changed. i think i can trust you on this, assuming well, all along you've never loved me so we're still doing the things that we did..but better than nothing..you'll still be close to me..my impenetrable group of company heh. my special best friend. somehow i'm reminded of the 'special' relationship between UK and US. but again, that's a complicated relationship they had over the years. for now, i believe in fate. as i always have..knowing you for 9 months, chasing you for 8, being with you for 7...it's all fate isn't it. so what's the next phase now between us..its slated to be 'best friends' forever. now, anyone would be curious as to how i can be best friends with someone who broke up with me. i just found it a waste if we would have to stop contact at once...since we already know so much about each other. we know each other's tendencies.maybe even predict actions..and i know i can read you like you were my twin. i didn't have to be an idiot to know that you broke up with me after my exams ended cos you knew i wouldn't be in the right state of mind(just like i'm not, now)..that's why i was feeling insecure and restless while i should have been studying..but u promised me, no matter what happens, you'll be my confidant, something you'll be for the rest of your life (in spite of the differences in our personalities as you say, which i still dun believe).

sigh. i'm really going crazy. i'm having that 'how do u feel when the only person who can comfort you was the one who made you cry'. and i just recalled the 'don't cry because it ended, smile because it happened'. all these sayings are so apt now. tonnes of them. but i guess i'm not the most miserable wretch in this world, cos xav told me of a breakup between his sis and her ex after 3 years..what the hell..not that i'm glad for that..but..

sigh. why do i want to take revenge on the world, when i've never hated you. can someone tell me what is this i'm feeling right now? there doesn't seem to be a word for it. maybe i'll invent a swear word for it. alright, i wun prey on hapless victims i guess. its time to kick some and ass and chew some gum, but i've run out of gum. i wanna jump back to me asap. the weird me. the totally eccentric me.

that's totally out of the system, out of any category of classification. the ultimate weirdo, the anti social, the one who'll be the most loyal as a friend, if u win the trust. but i dun trust people that easily, so i know, for now my closest friends will be hong zhi and si min. best friends.yes. my best friends are girls. more controversy. say whatever you like, girls make better company than guys. and in the army, NEVER trust your army mates,especially if you're keen on a further career there. why am i so random.

summary: my ex=my bestest best friend. haha.weird things happen to me.

"plak!";
x 7:37 pm

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