do i still believe in fate-look what it did to me(but i still do)
i'm more miserable than i seem to be.
its gonna take a miracle for me to love another girl. and i don't believe in miracles since you've proved that miracles can never happen no matter how much one hopes and puts in effort.
i shocked myself by the sudden impulse flashing across my head:to dash out, in front of an oncoming car. yet, this i believe to be a further evidence of how much you mean to me that i'll do such things, silly as they are.
already, i'm about to tell the world that nothing is fair. you said that to me. i'm gonna be the one who'll BE the reason why the world is going to be unfair. i'll make it so. and i'm gonna fake liking a girl and cheat her of her feelings..her everything..be an infamous obnoxious jerk..just go crazy and be anti-life..there is nothing that can sate my appetite for revenge. ironic that you're the last one i'll take revenge upon. cos in spite of everything, i still love you. it was only that i was forced to stop loving you.
the new week is about to start. i only hope si min will cheer me up seriously..i'm winding into a cycle of depression soon..while on thursday the class girls should be going out to kbox and i'm going too..whatever happened to class outings dudes..and what's with the anti-chalet sentiments..i had thought we were more united than that..what happened to lan gatherings and marina bay feasts..i hope its not cos of the 'i'm not the class rep' syndrome..that's gonna suck balls, dicks...maybe i'll try asking everyone out next week then since i have some form of the 'i'm the class rep' syndrome, the antithesis of the previous syndrome. HAH. so funny.
and on saturday i'll be going to east coast to pedal a double bike with you..maybe i find assurance that you told me nothing has changed. i think i can trust you on this, assuming well, all along you've never loved me so we're still doing the things that we did..but better than nothing..you'll still be close to me..my impenetrable group of company heh. my special best friend. somehow i'm reminded of the 'special' relationship between UK and US. but again, that's a complicated relationship they had over the years. for now, i believe in fate. as i always have..knowing you for 9 months, chasing you for 8, being with you for 7...it's all fate isn't it. so what's the next phase now between us..its slated to be 'best friends' forever. now, anyone would be curious as to how i can be best friends with someone who broke up with me. i just found it a waste if we would have to stop contact at once...since we already know so much about each other. we know each other's tendencies.maybe even predict actions..and i know i can read you like you were my twin. i didn't have to be an idiot to know that you broke up with me after my exams ended cos you knew i wouldn't be in the right state of mind(just like i'm not, now)..that's why i was feeling insecure and restless while i should have been studying..but u promised me, no matter what happens, you'll be my confidant, something you'll be for the rest of your life (in spite of the differences in our personalities as you say, which i still dun believe).
sigh. i'm really going crazy. i'm having that 'how do u feel when the only person who can comfort you was the one who made you cry'. and i just recalled the 'don't cry because it ended, smile because it happened'. all these sayings are so apt now. tonnes of them. but i guess i'm not the most miserable wretch in this world, cos xav told me of a breakup between his sis and her ex after 3 years..what the hell..not that i'm glad for that..but..
sigh. why do i want to take revenge on the world, when i've never hated you. can someone tell me what is this i'm feeling right now? there doesn't seem to be a word for it. maybe i'll invent a swear word for it. alright, i wun prey on hapless victims i guess. its time to kick some and ass and chew some gum, but i've run out of gum. i wanna jump back to me asap. the weird me. the totally eccentric me.
that's totally out of the system, out of any category of classification. the ultimate weirdo, the anti social, the one who'll be the most loyal as a friend, if u win the trust. but i dun trust people that easily, so i know, for now my closest friends will be hong zhi and si min. best friends.yes. my best friends are girls. more controversy. say whatever you like, girls make better company than guys. and in the army, NEVER trust your army mates,especially if you're keen on a further career there. why am i so random.
summary: my ex=my bestest best friend. haha.weird things happen to me.
"plak!";
x 7:37 pm
01/05/06 - 22/11/06 it all fell apart
22nd November-Day of both joy and sorrow. Got a 3 months extension for my back condition treatment(PES D in other words).
and at night, my ex called. yup, the hong zhi whom i've tirelessly devoted myself to. so it is. we broke up.
we may have hit the end of the road, but really, we're just going on another one, the one which we came from. for what you've done, you should never be forgiven. and you know that. you know the whole world will call you a bitch for what you've done. but u knew what you wanted. you just felt nothing for me already. i felt like i was taken for a ride.
looking at the messages we sent each other to assure of our continuation of our friendship as stipulated in the terms and conditions of our contract of attachment,i felt like crying. and i told u not to cry! u dun deserve to! but now i'll have to offer my shoulder and comfort you in spite of what you did..cos
we'll still be best friends, to the ends of time perhaps. i may no longer be able to love you, but you'll still get all my care and concern. i'm sure the memories will always be kept in our hearts even though they no longer beat in unison. we have each other's gratitude as well.
for more than 6 months, you may have been the worst girlfriend, but i choose to remember you as the best i ever had. the only one i ever had. the one i've truly loved, truly cared for. i can no longer do the former, but i can for the latter.
mind's blank, and i'm going to the zoo later with my best friend again. i just hope that neither of us break down when we see each other.
imagine if, we went our separate ways when we knew a great deal about each other(each and every other 'superficial' fact and personality). it would be such a waste. a tremendous waste.
end of post(if u attempt to highlight anything below this line, you will not see anything)
told ya!i'm really fine my friends, just gimme a bit of time =)
"plak!";
x 7:08 am
bleah
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
some handy explanations to the most f'ed up syndrome. men please take note.
and i sure can identify with this joke:
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again."
"plak!";
x 7:30 pm
why i am concerned about looks
so it was. november 01. we survived our first six months together. add another six, and we'll have our first year anniversary on labour day next year.
went to cartel. we wanted some bread for our soup of the day, but damn those patrons are all hungry. we only got three meagre slices. saw some acjc girls, who gave me that 'aww you aj creep, you do look awfully pathetic' look. saw some working adults before that, who gave me that 'HAH you sure look like a useless economically inert scrap of dung' look. and its quite alot of them. society always has people looking down on you. whatever. my response which would be as shallow would be 'who fucking cares cos you look like some desperate stuck-up swine whom no one else would care about other for the fact that they get to bitch about how much of a bitch you are.' you're all ugly people alright? and you can stop giving LOOKS to people. cos you ain't qualified. i wouldn't mind u giving looks and passing judgments (which people sense) if you did look much better than me.
so much for LOOKS. i bet you must have been mistaken when u saw the title of the post. go reflect! (sorry peeps A levels is making me more creepier and bloodshot than ever)
"plak!";
x 7:35 pm
