"plak!";
x 10:37 pm
i wun miss u that bad anymore
it's gonna be a week before i can see my dear again! luckily i have that photo to keep me going. haha. and the sticker.
wheeeeeee.
威凤雄芝. i think our name put alternately together sounds so fine!
"plak!";
x 10:33 pm
the moment we got up..
..we knew its time to run away when everyone's staring at just the both of us.
"plak!";
x 11:41 am
reflections.. in the water..on the mirror..
i must be a bad boy. cos i made you my girlfriend. that makes you a bad girl. but you're a stupid girl. no one asks their parents if its alright to have a boyfriend, and you did. ur mum would already know. its so obvious. but i must be crazy. i tell my parents about my girlfriend, you. not much anyway. they're neutral, just as i knew they would be. my usually passive father was quite violent in his opposition to me getting my ear pierced. sometimes he's the conservative one, most other times its my mother. but they're both rather liberal. helps that their wedding anniversary was just a few days ago. my dad was born one year before singapore's independence, and my mum was born on that year. i'm so fortunate to have them so young. i'm so lucky. the younger one's parents are, the more they are able to know what you are feeling. intuitive. but it works both ways, sometimes good sometimes bad. i haven't spoken like this for quite some time. it seems weird to me. its as if i'm suddenly a good boy. but then, i probably am. i do the grocery for my family, i buy the meals. isn't that enough to qualify me as a good boy? mother's day went past just as if there wasn't such a day but my mum didn't want me to buy anything so i didn't. i'm always thinking, what's the point if you're so artificially or exaggeratedly nice to someone close to you just for that one day in every year? isn't it much better to treat everyone around you nice for everyday of the year? that's too much of a utopia though i feel cos not everyone would do the same to you. but at least i have someone who will be nice to be every moment now. it does feel good to be loved.
how funny that hong zhi came to settle the score with me cos i deliberately didn't wanna message her. it still feels weird. all along i thought my dear never knew how to love. cos she always denied that she would eventually do so. all the months of self-denial, however painful, are over. no longer have to tell myself that you're out of my grasp and you'll never be with me so i'll settle for you as a friend for as long as we will be. i guess you knew i was doing that all the while though i tried my best to conceal my feelings for you still. it does make me feel that i forgot every vestige of you being a normal friend of mine the moment you were mine. all of a sudden, i can finally tell myself. you're so beautiful and i can now look into your eyes without you resisting, without you feeling out of place. ah how i hope we'll be like this forever. i always thought fairy tales were silly, too medieval. i do believe in them now. through the months of sad times,there finally is a happy ending to our story. you needn't have made me sad for these months if you had told me how you felt all along, and when you did, everything felt right. but perhaps this was indeed the toughest test for us already. just over a month ago, it was still like what do you do when the only person who can comfort you was the person who made you sad in the first place? that was why i was always in anguish. that kind of feeling was such a piercing torment. though i pretended to smile and be happy.
everything of the negative sort is gone now and i am truly happy. getting in touch with my feelings seems more crucial than to report on my life. which includes 5 make up PEs to compensate for not going for afternoon PE. all to be cleared by next week? haha. life has its ups and downs but just like a growth chart, when you draw a line, its a slope going upwards. and life has its stagnant points too. just like the econs test which i messed up and i knew i probably would mess up in that way and indeed i did, so i maintained my 'perfect' score of 40. while other things are improving and even my pd tutor says so for me. simple acknowledgements like this help a lot, but no one can help as much as hong zhi, of course, and its true..feels good to get a 30/50 for my gp essay, though u may say its nothing much. all along i've never passed, getting some confidence-smashing grade of 18/50. all these seem so mundane now. haha what's there to fear when you're standing with me, looking into the mirror. i can only see things getting better all cos of you my dear^^
"plak!";
x 8:40 pm
we
spent the weekend together, loving one another.
"plak!";
x 11:46 pm
all i ever want in my hands are yours
the only hands i've ever, and i'll ever hold are yours.
and you know i'll do whatever it takes just to walk down the street holding your hand just for that one more moment
"plak!";
x 12:19 am
tease tsk tsk
as i was trying to take pics of jian qi using my phone.. i got this memory full message..and he got the last laugh.
"too many pictures of hong zhi already see lah!" fine fine laugh away u satisfied bastard..lol..
so jin tai is really smart lah. he's right. she wouldn't be just my best friend eventually....
and charis thinks she's funny(okay she is) by saying 'more colour in ur life. perhaps RED'
hahaha fine tease all u want.. if it makes u all happy :)
i'll learn how to whip up a few more dishes.. i absolutely loved the instant noodles that u cooked for me.. it's the most edible thing by far! and of course, its cooked by you.. i probably will make a better homemaker than you (duh)
just as i was reaching her gate, i asked her if there had been accidents on that stretch of road before. yea 1 or 2 times . then the next day there was another.
for now you're off to camp.. oh well a few days of agony for me that is. hang in there, i know u will be complaining..and you know me so well i'm already missing you..sigh..i'm hoping that sunday will come faster.. please dun go to myanmar for whatever cip trip.. i dun think there are communications there..spare a thought for me.......
i can't believe this it's all like a dream; sixteen months have passed and i finally have you
"plak!";
x 12:01 am
studies? no sweat!
this is the love between us, and no one should come in and tell us what to do. i realised quick enough that with her my grades would actually improve eventually. even though people may say we might get distracted. but no one realises how much i would actually motivate myself now that i have her. it is my mindset that i've fixed already, no one is fit to tell me or my dear that we should reconsider. as far as i know it, it is her i love, and she loves me. we both have been through so much just to be together, and to me, nothing i foresee will be a major problem, because we have always solved our little problems with ease. if anyone is gonna scold her i say don't do that. come scold me.hong zhi is my girlfriend, not urs!
i believe in true love. i believe that no one can come in between us.
someone who has never loved himself and neglected his own welfare would actually buck up and be a man just for you..all inclusive of my studies. after hockey ended through a premature death for me, i had to resume a similar afterschool schedule with all the track and field heats. and now that it just ended last thursday(still fresh in my head), i can finally get down to studying. well i promised mrs toh i wouldn't have any more commitments on friday, looks like i didn't see this coming..haha..of course i dun see it as a commitment at all. so hong zhi i wun give u instant good grades cos that's impossible, but i'll try to get everything up soon! trust me, have faith in me, that's what we agreed upon in our 9 terms and conditions ahahaha...
i got so many things i wanna say but i dun think this blog will ever be enough for me to finish rambling, so i'll end here. hahahah let's see for how long i can hide this ^^
and i seem to be much more cheerful in general and in class too! i feel so motivated to study now! no doubt i keep grinning to myself ahaha but i'm picking up the pieces real soon..i'll get my BCCD i promised you! trust in me! my determination!
"plak!";
x 8:04 pm
lost and found
it's the start of a new direction.
no more flashbacks.
no more temptations to say wrong stuff.
no more flirtatious looks.
i've lost a best friend. can't call her that anymore.
at least i finally got the friendship pyramid right. or rather, we.
i'm happy.
will u promise me that u will be too?
i would make u happy if you aren't.
no one would see this, but i wanna say guys i'm truly sorry if i dun go out as much for our occasional afterdark dinners in future. forgive me. please don't make fun of me.
this time, i make sure i wun lose you again.
"plak!";
x 6:53 pm