|| .burnynng on just lyke a matchh you stryyke to incynerate ||

killers are quiet

talking to jin tai made me very sad all of a sudden.

he was thinking back of the secondary school times..as in his, not mine. it was all so happy according to him, and tuition times then were also not bad. guys playing soccer before tuition, going to tuition with sweat all over, stinking the hell out of the rest...that was sec 3. then we got to know each other better, and jin tai joined too. being the relative newcomers in the guys' group i guess we could click better. we always insulted each other in our happy little group, of course not everyone always joined the fun but how i miss the teasings...all the gossip. it was very valuable experience to me then, cos i didn't know what gossip was. haha..they made me realise unconsciously i couldn't be happy with myself all the time. yes, i might enjoy my own company, but with them i felt HAPPIER. but its only now that i realise it. as we say it, its all too late, and of the past. it was all mutual. what i felt, they probably felt it too, though it should be to a lesser extent.

meanwhile in school i've been making fun of xiao bui bui. what a cute girl! and a cute name to go along too!

well i'm so glad i called for the session in which anyone could be impeached. i got much of the impeachment too, but it was probably worth it..in the long run. mrs toh will never realise how much she should be grateful to me for all that. obviously saying i have no eq, but ask the rest of the class. and you'll know who is right. if i really have no eq i wouldn't have friends at all. and my social circle is not as sorry as u make it out to be. how much can a teacher know about the student anyway. you see me as a class rep. a serious, task-oriented personnel with no regards for the feelings of others. classmates see me as crazy, attitude problem, even a nuisance. the total opposite of the disciplinarian you know. saying i have to learn to socialise has no effect on me. but as long as no one mentions it, u wun really remember i guess. i can safely say that among all the guys, i speak to the most number of girls in class(and as hockey guys would say, OUT of class too) i never got the chance to defend myself anyway, and even half the guys defending me eventually did not have much an effect. it is like that.

but the positive effects were almost instantaneously felt. everyone felt good about each other. or, the class spirit was more positive as a whole, and we all forgot what happened the last evening(as a result of me that everyone thrashed things out; it was rather bloody imo). maybe cos we all knew the effects of trying to be mean or negative or whatever to one another. so we sorta had this new policy. u have anything to say, u tell it in the face! hooeeeee yeahhh! right in the face! of cos being the eq-less freak that i am, i don't know that u have to say it nicely. oh right, i am so sarcastic. hah who cares about impressions. they are all wrong. be true to myself. in all situations, stay true to self. i can't be wrong. just like matto grosso, where criminals flee to and turn over a new leaf, if anyone tries to initiate hostilities in our class again, that person will be made very sorry. i wun take it lying down. yea and if you are 'offended and disgusted' at my superioristic attitude that's too bad now. u would see it if u were in my boots. i wouldn't dare to let the overall picture crumble. the things i do could be half-justified cos i am the class rep, and no one else i know can be allowed to do such things. i'm still defending myself now. i am innocent. i have been wronged. and you say i am very wrong. i have to do things at times, even if its unpopular, even if its seen as wrong.

and i'm waiting for the day when someone tells her that i've typed this chunk and i get into trouble cos of it. fuck you, in advance. of cos its better that it doesn't happen. i have no one to talk to. as in, i dun want any of my friends to come asking if i'm okay. i am okay, but i am just indignant. i'm always so proud.

for the un conference i got belgium and committee is unesco. hope mr rein corneillie will be of help to mark and i..but i have not seen him online for some time :(

i guess i will boycott aj idol. still indignant at the auditions. i feel very sorry to all my band members, cos it was me who did the band half in, anyway. vocalist determines many things. and we were seen as satanic screaming emo hardcores or whatsoever shit i dun even associate myself with or something, if that's true i'm sorry to all of us. i remember slipknot-style was accepted, last year, with the senior nicholas' band. not any longer. 3 female judges, with the male one coming in after the next group. i'll never forget. and the audience probably thinks i'm some insane psychopath who has practised screaming in the asylum his whole life. ahh but well, that would mean they are afraid. and i like that.

"plak!";
x 10:48 pm

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