"plak!";
x 8:51 pm
verse for the worse
life's a bore
mum's a whore
just a flaw
flout the law
you have one
some have none
attila the Hun
where's the fun?
down the wine
that's so fine
how bout mine
ties that bind
you're spoilt kid
i'm brand new
lift the lid
smells like eeuugghhh
chanced upon her
never could concur
poems i recite
never sound right
----------------
yea never composed a poem ever since like 2 years ago. this was just a joke.
"plak!";
x 8:37 pm
the feeling i have grown to hate is love
if u do it too many times, you'd probably be caught at least once. well, i think i got caught too many times.
well, its not something like surfing pr0n, or like playing with oneself in the room. not the things u do behind the door. nope. if only someone would truly understand.. it's got nothing to do with the wrong things i love to say, nothing to do with any perverseness in any guy..it's just something natural..
cos i think she knows, that's why i think i'm in deeeeeeeep shat. how about, cos i know she knows, that's why i know i am in deeeeeeeeep shat.
yet, the feeling i have grown to hate is love.
maybe mr ong continuing to think i'm gay is a good thing. not in the sense that i will be hugging guys, but makes me sexually neutral for that moment..meaning i dun get to think about it..just a human with no primitive emotions..i'm just glad her name doesn't come up everytime i think about all these..just so glad..a clean slate perhaps but irreversibly scarred. its only the paint and gloss that got renewed. the fissures underneath.
are still there.
for some reason i cannot fathom, the prettiest girls are chao ah lians.(no surprise for chao ah bengs like me lolx) and they're not just pretty. they have characters of their own. personalities. occasional attitude problem. frequent vulgarities haha(yet there are exceptions). and yet they'll never let you climb over their heads. that would be something i appreciate most. of course there are other things. but i'm not expecting myself to elaborate endlessly..haahaa. anyway, happy birthday chee wei! you're been a great friend to have around at all times, always proffering ur advice to a noob like me. third guy to be 18, 9 days after wee liang who was 9 days after me. and my birthday is on the 9th. heh. cool.
"plak!";
x 10:17 pm
shagged
jian qi will skin me. from what i did to him, i guess he still likes her..
here i go ranting again.
gp essay was okay..but whenever i say its ok or easy, i'll fail. but it was well, convenient. how so?poured in economics, geography and history. extent of immigrants having positive effects on society. wee liang did this too. classic case of chinese tin miners in malaysia. LOL. what else. hope the examiner wun think we were cheating. what else..jewish bankers, irish tracklayers,bangladeshi construction workers,vietnamese property agents,chinese takeaway workers. also included the sicilian mafia in the states.
killed like 20 pages of paper just trying to get the track and field programme booklet prototype done.and its only 3 freaking short pages. now i know it ain't as easy as it looks.
something random. after gp test, we were at the junction. justin told me that behind us, there was this huge gap between us and other j2s at the traffic light. and i saw. he then told me that only when i stepped forward, did all of them move up. i must be quite scary. my sis tells me its my hooliganism. whatever. i'm friendly k.
"plak!";
x 9:05 pm
only an eye candy but no girlfriends i swear
if women are so decent then why are there whores everywhere in geylang?
cos when demand is present, supply will increase to meet it.
then why dun u supply urself?
even if i want to supply myself there'll be no demand.
HAHA..truely memorable.
it's still easier to make personal attacks on hong zhi for me cos she's..er-hem ****..while she can't make any on me cos she will never know if i have any deficiencies like her. haha she can't make any short dick jokes on me aww sad
family day..hmmm...had more suspicious and curious eyes looking at me, something i've not had for a long long time. no,mr loh that was really my best friend, not girl friend. no,shu min that was my pretty friend not girl friend. no,ayron that was my best friend not your crush you're after lol.no, those netball girls, she's not my gf...and to every else i saw ....they're not my girlfriends!!!!! but they are my girl friends, that is correct. maybe hong zhi was better off not coming down indeed...i can imagine the fingers-pointing already. not to mention how much i got even when she wasn't around already;quite a potent force eh. but i've an eye candy..lol..shut up terence about pimples grrrr
ahaha i can't believe i could talk with charis for so long too..talked about jian qi. haha when with me, he can share so much about charis but in front of her he's so quiet. haha wimp xD and i took a pic with charis! yea yea someone's gonna be jealous :P
"plak!";
x 6:22 pm
gp post
i had a most memorable gp lesson on wednesday. supposed to discuss one essay question, so majority of the class chose the gender question. something like does gender still play a part in our society today? i wonder how gp lesson could ever be crazy. maybe its just me. so mr ong was trying to make us tell him what was still the missing link we didn't have.
haha all i did to be an ass was to tell him comparative advantage, and the class was irked by that. hahaha.... "seems that ur class likes econs"
mr ong was dumb. really. but in an innocently cute way. "i took econs, so i know comparative advantage's short form." he then wrote down 'C.A'.
"so what causes this comparative advantage?"
i still couldn't get over econs in my head. "specialisation"
"uh-huh...more layman?"
"physical endowments?"
and all the guys started laughing..ahahahahah..i did not think of whatever they were thinking when i suggested that.
Part 2:
about how the line between jobs has blurred. for example, drag queens. are they male, or are they female? "herrick why are you smiling? you must be a part-time drag queen!"
"wtf.. ^^"
Part 3:
then we started talking about househusbands. about how 'we always see two househusbands, prams side by side walking down the streets.' then i asked, "are they gay?"
"no they are obviously not gay cos its their children."
"then what about many gay Europe couples with prams walking down the streets? aren't the children adopted or something?"
"hey we'll not go into that. you and ur gay agenda."
during gp lesson today(thursday), we had to do peer marking. by some stroke of bad luck, only jian qi and i did the science and tech question. so now i'm still crying, trying to decipher his handwriting while he does the same. mr ong showed us this list of values, printed out from wikipedia. how interesting that he always has to disclaim "now as you know anyone can edit it thus some information can be inaccurate." boring! notice i said boring, as opposed to "how interesting.." wikipedia has many automated processes that detect changes etc to prevent that, thouh not entirely i should have told him. then wth jian qi exclaimed with outrage "WHAT? chastity is a value? It's a sin!" lawl
before that i prolly burned everyone's asses. mr ong was asking whether we wanted to hand in that hellofaloadofthefortnightlyassignments on friday or on monday. only i wanted friday. then he said like 'so are we agreeable on handing in on monday? but only herrick is unhappy with that, so how?'
'haha its okay. i haven't done anything for that either?'
everyone probably had that 'what's wrong with you' look. haha..we gotta prepare this gp lesson for 30 by our group. we're dealing with rock music, so i already got an outline. prepare a skimpy powerpoint presentation, augmented by the signature music excerpts from that time. by excerpt i mean full song so as to capture its meaning u know? haha. so maybe 5 min powerpoint, 25 minute song. how meaningful. already a few songs i have in mind are:
knocking on heaven's door by bob dylan
bohemian rhapsody by Queen(i hope no one will feel intrigued by the operatic opening)
jump by van halen(with that corny 80's sounds)
stairway to heaven by led zeppelin
highway to hell by ac/dc(chosen to show off how songs opposed each other)
the trooper by iron maiden
bed of roses by bon jovi
it's so easy by guns n' roses
smells like teen spirit by nirvana
points of authority by linkin park
pulse of the maggots by slipknot
basketcase by greenday
i realised one hour may not be enough if i'm gonna play the songs in full..maybe excerpts back again. sigh. can't believe i spent one post ranting on what we do for gp.
"plak!";
x 10:42 pm
visual delight!
as i was taking the bus, i saw her walking out of a church-her church!
i couldn't believe my eyes! but i knew she was heading to the place i was too..
and when i came out of that place i saw her again!
it was her!!
and i was happy.
(btw charis was probably right when she said i'm superficial xD-she's so cute!!!)
"plak!";
x 5:33 am
你说什吗
看见欣倪往往利用华文在她网上日记，我在想，也许我也能时常这么做。但是我总觉得浑身不自在似的，因为我利用英语表达自己，也实在过渡极了。除了在‘已故’的华文课里写些作文类似的活动，和利用话语和家人沟通，我总觉得，华文果然是废。
用话语表达我自己对我而言，是个第二自然。
但我会努力，争回我的文化血统。没了它，我很肯定的就会发现自己将什么东西都已不属于了。
说了这么多，我的语文能力一定是是个大笑话吧。算了，我看还是别耍什么新玩意儿。讲话语，和写华文，简直就是一个天一个地。为什么好像只有我有这种‘语言纠纷’？但我一和凤芝说话时，一切就这么自然。我忘记了我话语表达表达实在有够多毛病。
我们的友情就已经到不用讲话的地步，虽然不完全了解对方，但有些地方，我们已经自我明了。这应该是称，心领感应是吧？我还在发觉这特别关系的来源。但我已经准备好了。很有可能地，就是答案将会找不到。
我还是不懂我在说什么。
"plak!";
x 9:56 pm
killers are quiet
talking to jin tai made me very sad all of a sudden.
he was thinking back of the secondary school times..as in his, not mine. it was all so happy according to him, and tuition times then were also not bad. guys playing soccer before tuition, going to tuition with sweat all over, stinking the hell out of the rest...that was sec 3. then we got to know each other better, and jin tai joined too. being the relative newcomers in the guys' group i guess we could click better. we always insulted each other in our happy little group, of course not everyone always joined the fun but how i miss the teasings...all the gossip. it was very valuable experience to me then, cos i didn't know what gossip was. haha..they made me realise unconsciously i couldn't be happy with myself all the time. yes, i might enjoy my own company, but with them i felt HAPPIER. but its only now that i realise it. as we say it, its all too late, and of the past. it was all mutual. what i felt, they probably felt it too, though it should be to a lesser extent.
meanwhile in school i've been making fun of xiao bui bui. what a cute girl! and a cute name to go along too!
well i'm so glad i called for the session in which anyone could be impeached. i got much of the impeachment too, but it was probably worth it..in the long run. mrs toh will never realise how much she should be grateful to me for all that. obviously saying i have no eq, but ask the rest of the class. and you'll know who is right. if i really have no eq i wouldn't have friends at all. and my social circle is not as sorry as u make it out to be. how much can a teacher know about the student anyway. you see me as a class rep. a serious, task-oriented personnel with no regards for the feelings of others. classmates see me as crazy, attitude problem, even a nuisance. the total opposite of the disciplinarian you know. saying i have to learn to socialise has no effect on me. but as long as no one mentions it, u wun really remember i guess. i can safely say that among all the guys, i speak to the most number of girls in class(and as hockey guys would say, OUT of class too) i never got the chance to defend myself anyway, and even half the guys defending me eventually did not have much an effect. it is like that.
but the positive effects were almost instantaneously felt. everyone felt good about each other. or, the class spirit was more positive as a whole, and we all forgot what happened the last evening(as a result of me that everyone thrashed things out; it was rather bloody imo). maybe cos we all knew the effects of trying to be mean or negative or whatever to one another. so we sorta had this new policy. u have anything to say, u tell it in the face! hooeeeee yeahhh! right in the face! of cos being the eq-less freak that i am, i don't know that u have to say it nicely. oh right, i am so sarcastic. hah who cares about impressions. they are all wrong. be true to myself. in all situations, stay true to self. i can't be wrong. just like matto grosso, where criminals flee to and turn over a new leaf, if anyone tries to initiate hostilities in our class again, that person will be made very sorry. i wun take it lying down. yea and if you are 'offended and disgusted' at my superioristic attitude that's too bad now. u would see it if u were in my boots. i wouldn't dare to let the overall picture crumble. the things i do could be half-justified cos i am the class rep, and no one else i know can be allowed to do such things. i'm still defending myself now. i am innocent. i have been wronged. and you say i am very wrong. i have to do things at times, even if its unpopular, even if its seen as wrong.
and i'm waiting for the day when someone tells her that i've typed this chunk and i get into trouble cos of it. fuck you, in advance. of cos its better that it doesn't happen. i have no one to talk to. as in, i dun want any of my friends to come asking if i'm okay. i am okay, but i am just indignant. i'm always so proud.
for the un conference i got belgium and committee is unesco. hope mr rein corneillie will be of help to mark and i..but i have not seen him online for some time :(
i guess i will boycott aj idol. still indignant at the auditions. i feel very sorry to all my band members, cos it was me who did the band half in, anyway. vocalist determines many things. and we were seen as satanic screaming emo hardcores or whatsoever shit i dun even associate myself with or something, if that's true i'm sorry to all of us. i remember slipknot-style was accepted, last year, with the senior nicholas' band. not any longer. 3 female judges, with the male one coming in after the next group. i'll never forget. and the audience probably thinks i'm some insane psychopath who has practised screaming in the asylum his whole life. ahh but well, that would mean they are afraid. and i like that.
"plak!";
x 10:48 pm
oh no i'm finally 18
track and field heats today.
mostly field events. as a field judge it was very tiring. drank 4 bottles of new water cos the sun was crazy....making me evapotranspirate thrice as much (oh i forgot i can't evapotranspirate). dug and loosened so much sand that i got sand all over. few days ago i dug till i struck it-water! i struck water in the sand pit. wow, and i dug out some orange sand. cool lah. and i dug out a metal peg, 15 cm long. almost broke my lower arm doing that cos it was so sudden. but today, i broke my broken back yet again, doing all the sai gang. used to it. mr arthur lim was very nice, doing a quarter of the sand thing all that.....
went to united square, novena with the class guys most of em later on to celebrate my birthday. one year ago exactly we did the same thing. same place. pizza hut. this year wasn't as upbeat though...but i appreciate it though! initially they wanted to pay for me, but they didn't have sufficient......so i suggested going dutch. 9 days from now its wee liang's birthday. and we already decided. fast aren't we. hehehh something tells me i'm gonna be torturing prawns again :D
ho zheng can always enlighten me from my narrow perspective. he asked which was more important to me. changing ur music to give what ur judges want or sticking to it cos that's what u want. could see andrew conceded defeat. must have been my fault. no man, dun lose ur flair for the music. we enjoyed it. we experienced it. the reality. good enough. get back up. flawless execution i must say. thanks so much for that.
chatting with joyce made me realise how ignorant i am. i didn't know that at eighteen, u could do so much stuff, smoke drink and whatever vices. i'd only drink anyway. but then again, remembering that time when i turned up drunk and semi-unconscious in school, i'm having second thoughts already. i love wine though. i would readily pop the bottle of cognac anytime, provided its owners are not around..my mum douses chopped fruit bits meant for baking in a solution of that...creating this wine flavoured cake. it's really crazy, but its well....heavenly....totally radical! though i hate the fruits there. imagine chopped cherries, apricots, peach bits, those weird colours.... i really need to talk to ppl....like hong zhi. otherwise i keep talking to myself. sign of insanity. haha. yay 12 hours time and its kbox time. can't wait to sing my favourite bed of roses....5 hours of hardcore fun for 5 ppl that should be it. hope janice can join too...
and i dun entertain despos certainly. friendship is all i offer. dun call me by something if i did not acknowledge it, or if u know i am uncomfortable. it only irks me more.
meanwhile, happy birthday to me. but i feel nothing.
"plak!";
x 1:28 am
i'm worst at what i do best
auditions suck when no one knows what you're trying to do.
judges included. no guy judge.
we executed flawlessly, but we did not perform. that's what i can say. sickened me when pop was being played weakly and audience applauded. yea herrick stop whining. but if we want to do pop, i rather not do it.
oh please, get ur notes right before u start whipping a guitar and singing at the same time. i regretted staying for that performance. i'm sorry but in music if its wrong its wrong. the judge was talking about key. problem is his notes were jumbled all over. poor guy who played sweet child of mine..yea all for show haha he makes me wanna join choir again, where no one has pitching problems. and his was ARRRRRRR!!!!!! i remember feeling insulted or something. please forgive me for my arrogant view, i was once a choir boy...after all.
felt jon was discounted. volume was so soft that it didn't stand out. and it was a fairly easy piece to play..i could play that too..haha. jia sheng wasn't as impressive as he could have been...quite a commendable 3 man band..
the judges frowned disapprovingly while i was at it. not very nice. affected me and all the more i didn't want to look at them. its my band, and i wanna do it that way. who fucking cares about the audience, mostly hissing dissing and pissing my fucking brains off. you have all never watched rock before. ha-ah. but true what they said about the rest not giving the rock feeling, and too focused on instruments to care about audience. all 3 i saw, its just about the same comments. how do i engage the audience with song 2? throw a mike at them? lol obviously not. you're too strained on yourself to even give a heck to the audience, unless u are doing slow rock or what..friends are trying to encourage me and simmer my temper but i can't help feeling so discounted? or whatever the word that can describe is. maybe even to the extent of wronged. no pitching problems, no coordination problems, no rhythm problems, maybe tone problems, stage flair problems, showmanship problems.......
IT'S NOT MY- PROB-LEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
when i feel like so worn out. track and field. as anal as i can get. persuasion and appeasement fails.
verbal coercion takes over.
she looks so sweet, absolutely adore her. while i'm too aloof, whatever attitude dun get me nowhere. too addicted to looking at her.
who am i?
as class rep, i am nonchalant, yet demanding at times.
as friend, i am helpful, yet a nuisance at times.
as sl ic, i am warm, yet i treat my classmates as people i have to utilise to get things done.
as best friend, i am loyal, yet i hide things still to myself.
as a brother, i am understanding, yet incomprehensibly aloof.
as a son, i see them everyday, yet i am so far away.
as myself, i am never myself. why must i always look so sad. people who laugh most are the most insecure. OH REALLY? but i know i seem to look very sad..but is it that when i see you i will finally smile.....i thought i never would even dare to look at you eye to eye..always looking away yet wishing for the contrary.
no. it must be a dream.
but not that i want it to end.
will there really be no secrets between us?
"plak!";
x 1:10 am
idolmania?
HERYK AND FRIENDS.
yes, i am THAT Heryk just in case u are wondering, but i was not responsible for that name. so stop going to the board and trying to look for clues regarding the identity. and i know its funny, i'm laughing too. so i permit u to laugh for as long as the name exists :) but no calling of barney and friends, that is unacceptable(though i realise credit has to be given to that gay monstrosity hell of a purple of all things dinosaur for this band name)
Ms Carolyn Ng, "what is the number?"
Me, " 17. (singing to the tune of only seventeen) she's only seventeeeeeeennnnnnn.......seeeeeeeeventeen! "
Ms Ng, "Oh no, herrick please stop singing. don't tell me you are joining aj idol."
whole class bursts into laughter.
someone, "he is, in fact joining aj idol!"
LOL NICE
and its not just band. haha. but that's where i am worried. justin please reach the notes accurately and not go flat and die trying. while herrick, please learn to pronounce chinese in a chinese way. he knows that hong zhi knows he can't pronounce simple chinese already when singing in kbox, but still ain't ashamed. please herrick, you have to learn to sing chinese in a chinese manner though u can already speak chinese in the ruffian way...for the sake of not throwing face as a chinese...
but i'm not feeling idolmania now. i'm feeling track and field HEATS. ironically, in the cold April monsoon rains -_-"""""
"plak!";
x 9:52 pm