This is the technique of the Zen Koan: saying or asking something that sounds like gibberish, but also like it might be incredibly profound, provided you think about it long enough. Zen masters developed this trick to "open up" the mind of their students without filling it with their own opinions. Myth teaches us that all mentors push us towards new ways of thinking, but only dark mentors attempt to make us think just like them. A mentor who walks the path of light teaches us how to open up to the voice from within, not without. The most famous koan in the West is probably "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" all the while i've been guilty of it, oblivious to what i was doing. now i realise its part of zen teaching. as long as it can be reasoned out and is logical, people would believe me, even if i do not believe in myself. i've finally finished a Legends of Dune book, the Butlerian Jihad. so far, the only people i know that are interested in Dune at all are jonathan phang and justin seng, who used to play the games. other than that, its eric my primary schoolmate who has probably amassed knowledge of all known science fiction works. it's really worth my time. i don't mind not doing my homework for the sake of it. its politics, religion(not in the way most people know it), love,economics, bla bla bla...its like star wars, just that its seriously indepth, and that star wars IS copied FROM Dune. before i return the BJ=Butlerian Jihad to the bookdrop, lemme record this treasure trove of wise sayings and musings that i sourced: Many histories are written by the winners of conflicts, but those written by the losers-if they survive-are often more interesting. Any man who asks for greater authority does not deserve to have it. Is the subject or the observer the greater influence? The mind commands the body and immediately it obeys. The mind orders itself, and meets resistance. From a certain perspective, defense and offense often encompass nearly identical tactics. The answer is a mirror of the question. There is a certain hubris to science, a belief that the more we develop technology and the more we learn, the better our lives will be. Religion, time and again, brings down empires, rotting them from within. The future? I hate it because i will not be there. Science: The creation of dilemma by the solution of mysteries. Psychology: The science of inventing words for things that do not exist. Often people die because they are too cowardly to live. The darkness of humanity's past threatens to eclipse the brightness of its future. Greed, anger, and ignorance poison life. Most traditional governments divde people, settling them against each other to weaken the society and make it governable. Life is the sum of the forces that resist death. okay that's it. the rest are seemingly duh and would look silly. some of these pertain to philosophy, but some to politics, religion, and more specifically to the book, which is about the war against the machines. i've already started on the second book, the machine crusade. actually the butlerian jihad and the machine crusade, if u were to think about it when u were bored, are about the same terms. i have decided to converse in a most contrite and painfully redundant manner of speech. it certainly revives stale memories of an age irreversibly gone by. this was an instrument i unconsciously reckoned was quintessential to reaching the standards of a perceived superiority. 
"plak!";
x 5:20 pm
it starts now
sometimes i think of myself as a machine.
i literally overheat and i break down, but not in the form of tears. i go berserk. machines still can go on. they still perform their tasks, maybe more resolute, maybe more efficient, but the means in which they do-way too dangerous.
but i know i am not a machine.
for i am controlled by impulse, not logic. i base my logic on impulse, and i justify my impulse on logic.
emotions. non-existent in machines. yet omnipresent in us. they take control. and we are weapons of ourselves.
been living the lie.
i should not.
be too violent.
be too impulsive.
be aggressive.
be ignorant.
be apathetic.
be obsessed with this list.
instead, i SHOULD:
be more sensitive to the needs of those around me.
be more patient.
be more friendly=smile more.
spent some time chatting with hong zhi's sister for the first time. i thought she'll be insulting me all the way or wun even be bothered to give a hoot about me. but i found that we talked about moral stuff, working life and other very formal stuff. for a while i couldn't believe it. the sisters seem so different, yet so alike. maybe because she's 5 years older, yet its so so different.
hong zhi is a good bait to have around at all times. mosquitoes are attracted to her. i realised what a trip to sungei buloh would do to her. she'll be even redder all over than usual, but i'm sure she'll need that trip quite much. after all i haven't been there myself..imagine the sights we'll see..with a price to pay of course.
oh yea, please support HERYK AND FRIENDS! i know its a silly and childish name, but that's the name of the band. i wanna see the priceless expressions on everyone's faces. and i wanna perform for family day too, though we must do more family- and friendly songs.. not the in-yer-face songs that's bound to offend. if you think its fame i'm after, think again. we have not even started out. i just want everyone to have fun. so maybe that's why we have that name, not some deviant rebel. by the way, i'm not so egomanic to be the one who suggested this quirky name, yes. and nowadays i've obsessed with singing bed of roses, and this ain't a love song. its no fun singing by myself on the stage. i'm not joining singing for solo. joining with justin cos i want the experience and thrill of it, its all about the feeling! and joining band cos i WANT it. and we can, given our prowess which surpass many others. its time to feel confident, and right about yourself all over again. life has never been this good.
"plak!";
x 11:36 pm
another mad and nonsenical report styled post that ought to be deleted
as we looked at the entry form, we noticed the empty box for pasting one of our photos. then we joked that we should take neoprints and paste it on! HAHA but only now that i look at some neoprints again do i realise that people just look much better in neoprints. pimples and potholes on ur face will be reflected off cleanly, creating the illusion that we look perfect. and that we have supple and smooth faces; raindrops would glide off, effortlessly, our faces without friction, without a bit lost.
i pasted my photo. nicholas asked, "why in the picture u are like this and now u are like THIS! haha joking la.." obviously its a dig at me nonetheless..but i know why already lah. when u go out, u need to spend time on 'doing up ur appearance'..which i didn't bother. haha and i looked so dull, worse than being plain. haha..come now let's not be vain like justin (combination of wax, clay, settling mix just for that fringe of his wth) :P
i remember we were at fullerton hotel. when u enter, u immediately are immersed in very resonant classical music that seems to assail you from all around. it sounded so perfect, just like a cd playing it. fortunately, it was much better than that. a real quartet was standing at the balcony performing live. and we didn't realise it. i had heard mandolin-like sounds there, and i realised that it was pizzicato of the violin. who even knows what a mandolin is nowadays?
oh and i again recall that nicholas looked disturbed when, after i sang a while, i suddenly played the guitar. maybe that's because that means i can be bassist if i wanted to right? haha i'll keep to my role. each of us too. don't worry. please don't be shocked if i continue to play the guitar always. it's not wrong to be multi-talented right? :P although the previous statement does not apply to me. i'm so not talented. haha.
oh no i dun want to be seen as a slave driver. we were supposed to run for 8 min continuously today. forced to run in groups of 4. so when we started, we hardly slowed...sorry to shawn wee liang and terence. yes i was being a bastard by saying its so slow i can't take this when that would have been like 11 min for 2.4km. but i realised we did like 10 min for 6 rounds, because when we started on our 7th round, mr william chua said we had 8 minutes left. see guys? it means we can do it. not only some lousy hockey player ahahaha, everyone else can do it too! if u wanted to. and after the 6th round we slowed down to like 2 min per round. shawn was a bit like gonna give up already..haha but we all did it and kept going on! good job guys! though none of the guys in class will read my blog. but i still must say, especially to the 4 of us. and we played basketball after that. like so teh kewl worzzz , i mean the weather was so cool, wee liang fell flat 2 times and got wet, and the guys didn't help by pressing him down after he was down. as always, losers would strip their pants. lost 7-3...but didn't strip lah duh! i think chee wei got 2, i got 1. qing yi solo cheong and he got like 4 i think.
afterwards, we sat at the canteen. wee liang and i sat next to each other, facing the parade ground, silently observing a snail. and we were waiting.
we waited.
people walked past without noticing it.
and no one stepped on it!!!!!
DAMN! (nawal:" cheap thrill")
this is what we do when we're bored.
innovation and enterprise on friday. we're doing
laugh in their face. as joel used to do to me, and i've been doing that ever since. hahhhhh LOSER! gruntsnorts. nah just kidding. but i wun be pretentious and hide my disdain for any j1 who tries to be a smartass. he'll get it.
can i have one of those chocolates too? pretty please pretty pretty please? ^^
"plak!";
x 10:37 pm
seemingly interesting but innately boring
The University's campus at Kent Ridge is well served by several bus routes and familiar to taxi drivers. Click here for Campus Map.
mark says that means get there urself. hahahaha un history seminar is like t3h fun. 3 days 2 nights of academic stuff. wheee. i better not be sleeping with a guy. i mean gay. hahahahha did i mean with a girl? oops forgive me for those thoughts.
liang pei always says hi herrick, and 'bang gone alr' hahaha. sorry for that...
today was the most productive jamming session yet. nicholas the new bassist joined us(previous bassist also nicholas, but from cj). he did supporting vocals a bit too...that filled in vacuums i usually couldn't fill. and he did a fine job at that too, despite all being firsts.. smells like teen spirit smelled of gunpowder this time round, rape me sounded sick and rough enough, the trooper was more bloody, supersonic was perfectly intact, and song 2's like perfected! and we figured out our band name today.
its damn gay. just replace the name of this gay children's show with one of our names. kbox with hong zhi really helped. the guys who said my gay falsetto was too gay and all that, i took their advice seriously. i never tried to use falsetto today. either i hit it or i dropped an octave. and i sorta got rid of my nasal voice i think. cos i finally sang out loud. not just snazzling some tune in a corner during class. okay whatever snazzle means. haha. nonsense.
oh i've this lame quiz u can do if you're bored. http://heryk.friendtest.com. haha time to do my work, or rather sleep.
"plak!";
x 8:54 pm
8 points?
Instructions: The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lovers. Specify the gender of the target. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their page saying that they've been tagged. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.
1. looks: (u see, i know its always superficial if u say one needs to have looks, but doesn't everyone look for looks at the very least. its one of the characteristics that draw ur attention to somebody.) she must look like a girl. that's all. i don't want people to think i'm gay.
2. temperament: must not be easy aroused with flames of rage and angst. can be crazy but definitely not negatively charged with emotions.
3. flexibility: the only constant, is change. if she doesn't evolve over time, she will not keep up in this world. and that's even before love begins.
4. level of activity: must have a positive outlook towards pe lessons or at least once a week physical activity. must not detest running.
5. musically initiated: listens to music, some genres which are common with mine at least.
6. stamina: can talk non-stop with me for 6 hour or more periods.
7. linguistic capability: speech can stir emotions and make durable impressions. language is very important to me. bilingualism would be the nicest gift.
8. respect: i believe in this the most. decisions are best made when mutual cause u reduce the possibility of conflict and misunderstanding.
from all these i can see i am obviously not answering the point of the instructions. just not ready for any relationships now, just close friendships. and dun come knocking. and i'm hard to please and i'm a bastard and i'm not truly nice to most people. ahahhaha get away from me
anyway finally went out with hong zhi today! went kbox at marina square, then suntec,esplanade, merlion, fort canning...haha happy memories......i can't remember everything that happened, but at least i'm happy and so is she!
"plak!";
x 11:01 pm
i am a student of Zen
come to think of it, i've ended up where i saw myself not ending up in. playing an electric guitar, singing in a band, BEING in a band..all these i saw as never-would-be and perhaps at times undesirable then. its just that i'm not as conservative now. ha. that's how people end up as people that they did not want to be.
"plak!";
x 1:37 pm
sniff
my eyes feel as if they are gonna pop out soon.
supposed to have been hockey week. but now i'm grounded, both by my sickness and my mum.
at least i cut off my line and got a new one, and a new phone hehe. its a blue 7610. its gonna be phased out soon; just what am i doing with it..but its nice lah...one thing though, is that i wun be able to upload stuff unto my comp from the phone..what a waste..
spent like 6 hours just chatting at compasspoint on saturday..my....can we talk about everything under the sun. we always take so much time. ahah. bet the staff at starbucks were sick of us. can't blame them..we were there like 4 hours...we were like how do we suck up the jelly with that normal straw..and even after the woman gave us a specialised straw to eat it, it still didn't work! ended up using the straw as a spoon, which made us look even more dumb than we already are! haha dirty little dumb girl. i was the dirty one first, and she was the dumb one first.
we promised ourselves that we will study the next time we come out. and not chat for like 6 hours as we always do . i've thought it through. i'm gonna be a hardworking studious student. and i'll show you i am not what i seem to be.
i'll always remember myself laughing at justin for getting atrocious grades cos he didn't study. i'll remember cos i never want to be in his shoes. i didn't study too and i got an A. hello justin wake up? if i study i'm gonna touch the sky.
for myself.
my best friends.
my crush (haha u wish)
my parents.
and the atheists worldwide.
no one's going to look down on me anymore.
"plak!";
x 11:56 pm
no sign of love behind the years
i wonder if this takes place, as described by a friend(name kept anonymous for security reasons).
a few teachers in the same department having their break in their staffroom which no students enter.
one is surfing the net.
specifically looking out for students' blogs, which offer a fresh new perspective on the students they teach.
one of them finds out something real JUICY, and quickly shouts across to get all other colleagues to come and read the gossip, and they do some research by linking, utterly conveniently, to other students' blogs, which happen to be the property of the unfortunate classmates.
haha i hope this doesn't happen. but if it does, it'll be so funny.
imagine the teacher calling out to the colleagues, asking them to read this. wouldn't this be like looking in between 2 mirrors?
went to school early in the morning to get keeper kits. once we opened the door, out jumped this little FROG =S (attached here is the blur pic i took)
came back with 7 other hockey guys to keep the keeper kits . they were all crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we were all in slippers, and while we were resting outside the pe dept, li heng started this trend of HURLING a few of our slippers down the grandstand seats. and the floor was sun-baked. about 4 victims. while i was watching them chasing each other and the slippers, desmond and li heng also sat down with me enjoying the lame show. then they all came back, and started surrounding me from the back, and started to strip me!!!
argh. i put up a fierce resistance, kicking any idiot who was coming to take off my underwear. oh my god. this is crazy. ultimately i wasn't stripped. and then the fun all ended. haha.
so proud of myself. after a really good talk with mrs toh some time ago, i finally started to come to my senses. spent total of 7 hours in the library over the weekends, and i'm so proud of myself, though i didn't accomplish much. but every small step that i take will count towards..something lah.how do i know what that is. even if my parents are gonna disrupt me, why should i be so foolish to let myself succumb to the commotion produced and just neglect my studies? it wouldn't be fair to myself, nor to either of them. my mum fell ill today, and for that i am glad. my father just took her to the doctor and they have yet to come back . it is in times of such turbulence that everything will go well :)
i wonder why i thrive in times of chaos and disorder.
i really suck. after the mugger mentality infiltrated into me, i seemed to have got a trade off with friends. i'm getting the feeling that i've offended lots of people out there who know me. remember the times in cat high. 3 years half and i barely spoke. nothing happened to me. then in june in sec 4 i suddenly opened up . i have waye ning and min si to thank for. if not i'll always be retarded and in my own world, encased around my shell. of course as i talked more i began to talk irrelevant stuff and all that ...eventually offending people. but i still know i'll still be quite at ease should i lose all my friends. haha. but i'll treasure all the moments i have with my friends now until we part our ways.
i even forgot it was marian's birthday :((((( that's why i'm thinking whether i should remain a mugger. of course, take the middle and balance it you'd say, but i am aware that i'm quite an extreme person. in the sense that my decisions and actions are either on one end or the other. rarely there's a balance.
i'm thinking whether i should even type this. okay i would. for a long time i didn't think about IT already. and you called me to tell me the good news, which was something to do with IT. i couldn't study at all after that and spent the rest of the time at the library photocopying materials. even till schooltime i was still quite affected. if u thought it was good news, i don't know what to say. i've always been nice to you, and i intend to keep it that way :) but somehow i was hurt by what happened. i didn't need to know..although i know i insisted that you told me, but that's cos u called me to tell me u had something to tell me and u probably realised you would regret if u did or something. maybe one phrase will sum it up. "grossly insensitive". but i want to forget that it even happened. dun think you'll read this anyway. please don't do something like this again. i've got a weak heart, and my rupture hasn't closed in yet.
and it just keeps tearing apart.
why do i keep getting addicted to this beatles' song: for no one?
Your day breaks, your mind aches
You find that all the words of kindness linger on
When she no longer needs you
She wakes up, she makes up
She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry
She no longer needs you
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!
You want her, you need her
And yet you don't believe her when she said her love is dead
You think she needs you
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!
You stay home, she goes out
She says that long ago she knew someone but now he's gone
She doesn't need him
Your day breaks, your mind aches
There will be time when all the things she said will fil your head
You won't forget her
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!
"plak!";
x 10:25 pm
cos i swear for the last time i wun trust myself with you
felt so inspired to blog. i'm very tired and i have to go for hockey training in 5 hours time. heck care...narrating my insignificant boring life again.(while trying to be funny)
i have a ton(Br:tonne) of work to do. last weeks 4 gp article commentaries, 1 gp blog post+1 more to be done by saturday night(to-night), application question redo from 2 weeks ago,1 gp essay to be handed up 2 days ago. see? its all gp. but i find it highly ironical that i often contribute a lot of gp discussions in class, given that much of the class is so reluctant to express its opinion..so i just keep talking to speed things up. reminded me of how marian how give the answers to all the malay teacher's questions just to end the lesson early and not make it a dread.
meanwhile for econs i continue my struggles..i'm trying hard ms tan...to at least keep up with work assignments deadlines..though i'm not trying my best certainly. history is much more fun, because i would say dumb things. suppose we were to discuss about certain policies for 20 min. but thing is, i would look at a bottle filled with cold water and discuss about where the condensed water came from. by the way its a true story. i shared my thought that the condensed water came from the water inside the bottle.............all the way until about a month ago when someone said ' u obviously know the water that has condensed is atmospheric moisture.......' OWNED! and then i would still rattle on about why the water outside comes from inside. 20 min gone just like that. ms ng doesn't know that our group spent that 20 min talking about water.
mr loh please dun tell her! how do u 'stumble' innocently onto people's blogs..i wonder :P
had the heats today. LOL worst run i ever had in my life. i placed my right leg behind. too far behind. too late to realise. too late to regret. we ended up last. hahahahah.... while jian qi was bathing, i was singing skid row's songs again. then he came out. hou teng went in. i started singing 'you know you're right' by nirvana. he offered me to play the role of a ghost in his band camp cos of my voice. hahahahahaha...that's how bad it got. "what? irritating meh? this phrase 'you know you're right' only repeats 17 times continously what..and i have not included the other times..." okay i'm being so so annoying. must be too much goofing around at amiannoying.com.
did not jam last week. not gonna jam this week too i think. same for next week. but i really want it. stop being fickle herrick and pick a song and we work on it. already we can for a few but u gotta stop tempting urself with that immense diversity of choices. we can do 'rape me' but then again we can't. suggested what nirvana did themselves. substitute the offensive word with something else. since their songs dun make sense, just about any word will do. if not we can do the trooper, which no one would appreciate. smells like teen spirit is ok, but i wun go up the octave for chorus. song 2 is almost there, but 2 minutes is way too short. i remember you may be what we're looking for but we've never practised it. californication, no. had to scream. and that defeats the purpose of the song. how you remind me. no, too strenous and we were basically confused. wake me up when september ends? andrew and jian qi would do that song over their dead bodies. 3 doors down is the best. but again, spoilt for choice. i really wanna go jamming again. to have the sense of making something sound right.
for some time now, my parents have stopped quarrelling. that's good. i can expect to do my homework at home. 2 more months, and i'm done with hockey. chinese lessons are finally over.
no one failed. congrats to everyone in 33 who took chinese. renny passed, and i'm glad for him. hou teng got b3, and i think i can understand his feelings. i got b3 too, and i'm feeling somewhere between feeling sour and elation. i suppose apathy's in the middle. parents didn't say much. they always took it for granted what i achieved. all because they believed in letting me decide how i want to do things. many are envious i am told, but i'm not all that content either. can only hope it continues to work.
and i hate people who take me for granted. this is serious. okay there's only one person actually, and i could have cast him down just like everyone else did to him. and i was nice to talk to him and make him feel good again, and now he says negative things about me. constructive criticism is one thing. destructive criticism is another. and as far as i see it, those comments were filthy and borne of a rudimentary and yet defunct mind that has no capacity for sophistication. i'm still nice to not mention ur name. and not forgetting, not using profanities now. but i'm growing to despise you, as many have said, and which i defended you against. u are not worthy. u are just paranoid, insecure and irritating. u claim to dislike stickers but u ended up being one. anyway i told u about stickers cos i wanted u to know i was talking about you too. don't associate me with people anyway, anyhow too. i got pissed and so did the other party. if u want popularity i'm obviously not the one.
but i can give you hell. thankfully, only you.
oh well, please don't sabotage me any further whoever you are. i'm not attached, and i never was. (go on, dispute all you want i dun care) no i did not lie to kristine. the person who said i was attached was the liar. mark dun anyhow say la, this kind of things aren't funny... i have great reason to suspect the 'informant'(somewhat faulty) was from hockey..heh..wait and see...
last thing. had filming for track and field meet(=our sl project) today. i would like to thank each and every one of the team who helped us! though i guess just about no one would see this. lots of thanks to the very helpful track captain jade, wong ci, shu hui, meryl, sheila, de hai , jia yi..hope i didn't miss anyone out. i still feel awkward being sl i/c though to be really honest. i feel much better following instructions than giving them out.
maybe its time i changed my image. shooting myself in the foot all the while.
"plak!";
x 12:09 am