|| .burnynng on just lyke a matchh you stryyke to incynerate ||

go out everyday

maybe this is one of the rare times i talk about my cca.

we did just the basics today. all screwed up. i felt i did not, but that's not the point. what happens when everyone screws up? charles gets disappointed maybe. dunno if i'm right though.

what charles said confirmed my suspicions. i had only very recently realised that what was wrong with me during trainings was my mental. if u wanna put it that way. alternatively its cos
I HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM.

is it too late? charles said some was cos of physical, some cos of skills and some cos of the mind, that's what was lacking in some of us. so far i dun believe i lack the skills part that bad. my physical isn't exactly the best u can find, but still manageable. jason told me i've got stamina and strength..maybe its speed..but that's not the problem..still it is the mental.

many a time i have given up all hope at the last few glimmers of light. now THAT is the problem. and i think i'm already changing for the better.

i dun want to win. i'm pragmatic. i wanna get in the team, then aim for top 16, then aim for top 11. charles told me he did not intend to drop anyone. that ought to dispel all negative thoughts in me now. still, i can't give up on myself..him..its not fair for him. just like us he's fighting the odds too..
when asked what i did the last five days i just told him 'go out everyday' he said 'good! i like the honest answer!' but i'm sorry charles. ask any other chinese and that should be the answer still. the last thing i would do would be to lie.
and congrats to si min for clinching the 17th position in cross-country. heh. proud of u dirty little dumb girl. did not disappoint me indeed! maybe its my turn :P but make it 71th then.

some people never get it. well, maybe they would someday, just like me

"plak!";
x 9:37 pm

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