"plak!";
x 10:48 pm
i knew whatever was wrong, but i didn't have the solution
being a class rep, i should always have kept neutral. it's when i take sides, that's why i get into trouble. one time, two times, too many times already. it's time i changed myself. stop: shooting off my mouth. and being mean to people intentionally. and i need to THINK BEFORE I SAY ANYTHING at all. my blog has landed me into trouble time and again. i can see why. it's cos i use it to vent. and sometimes thank people. and cos i use it to vent, i just let some small suspicion swell into an absolute fact. it's scary, i fear myself come to think of it. but i don't know why i am seen as 'antagonistic', why i am seen as always looking for avenues to initiate conflicts. i was so hurt when i got to know that. but i guessed that there were classmates thinking that way already. for many views of me, it's not that i'm totally ignorant. just that i know, but i don't know the solutions. it's like u know the questions in a test paper before u take it, but even then, u don't have the answers to em. that was how i felt-helpless. just when i thought i was always escaping from conflicts when i saw them coming my way. stop taking sides herrick. but i had tried my best to get the classmates not to be that angry with hou teng. there are differences between our classmates, we can't deny. class, this can't go on. the virtue of forgiving and forgetting is something very hard to cultivate in us, but it will lead to greater peaceful coexistence! i hope the classmates can be more forgiving, even after all the complaints or what. and mocking on msn using ur nicknames is childish. i was disappointed when even blablablabla also did it. it's just not very nice. there's a certain limit to things. easy to say, not easy to do. i'm guilty of not observing limits too i'm sure. again, i'm having some form of opinion, but this i am sure is not just to bitch about. it's to help the class get along better. i realised something. sometimes i want to help out in some matters. with kind intentions, but somehow it's either that my intentions are unclear or that i mess the thing up..so i get into trouble again...hehe. what an idiot i am. "okay lah sit down lah"-ms ng. i'm just gonna sit down lah. ahahah. thanks to adeline the wollen for telling me all these. so got anything u think i say wrong u come find me lah. i think the classmates think that i will kill u all for telling me anything i done wrong in ur point of view. i feel that whenever there is that little bit of misunderstanding or buay songness, u all should just go talk to the person. though it's not as easy as talking about it with a few other classmates, i'm sure it will go a long way in fostering better relationships. yea so i hope to have classmates come talking to me until my throat dries up k? i wun chop u all and throw u into my carcass bag lah dun worry ^^! and especially since we're embarking on a long journey for our service learning project, where conflicts are likely to crop up. yea if i turn unreasonable i feel u all should tell me straightaway. not just discuss with classmates and all that, cos nothing gets done in the end ya, and i still remain as gila. and i am still the horrigible berdangdang who ought to be shot(3 of xav's expressions in 1 sentence)! 1 thing i need to change is the perception the classmates may have of me. i'm so sorry for my horrible 'never'. but well i've been trying to say it. though it doesn't cover everyone and cover every situation, so it may be a bit unfair i know. there are events which the class has been rather full of initiative too.
mrs toh, "so what can ur class do for cip project?"
me,"oh we can go to the autistic home and visit adeline there!"
ahahaha it's so funny! thanks to adeline so much! i love my wollen friend so much! as in friend. but i love my zhi zhi so much! love as in loveeeeeeee!! and i'm so sorry to bel. it's the first time i confessed that i didn't have a concept of friendship most other people have. i'm just too evil. but now that i know, i'm gonna change.
oh ya that joseph scolded fuck at me multiple times for ignoring his requests to help him do assisted pull up. what a fucking dumbfuck. never been scolded fuck for no good reason. and to be scolded fuck just like that when i don't even know him is just so humiliating. to be scolded fuck by a dumbfuck. so pisses me off. he's gonna watch it. but i'm not going to fight with people who have mental problems. if only i had my hockey stick! i'll strike him in the front! still remember mr seng's nice wallpaper. it had some "bitch-slap that mother %#&^ down and.." that kind of stuff with some japanese monster which i can't name. damn funny. and his 'that woman' referring to the ____-_________ is simply so cool! sigh i pang sehed the hockey pt today. to talk about sl project.hahaha! so i had the same response from the group of boys again. "last time, u pang seh us for macdonald's, now sl? what does sl represent?" and before that, "huh? you're a class leader ah?ahahaha..." 15 guys at least laughing at me cos of that..lol..i immediately returned double digits.."FUCK YOU!"
damn i've got to stop this senseless crazy cursing. i'm getting tired. it's 11.30 almost. and i have not done history essay. to be about 1200 words(in my standards). i have not done newspaper article which was supposed to be handed up every wednesday. and best of all, i have not done my gp essay on poverty. so i'm am the most handsome of all! hou teng is the second most handsome cos he finished it before me. but i have not finished it actually. so i may be infinitely immeasurably dashing. just such a good thing to know i'm the most handsome before i go to sleep. and that my wife is the most beautiful.
"plak!";
x 11:20 pm
happy birthday janice! sorry for not being a good friend enough
learnt the fun and easy line dance for ACES day. had chinese lesson. for some reason i was very high. we went to omnimax. took lots of pics there. over a 100 breathtaking pictures intended for wallpapers and visual excitement. then went to lot 1. to celebrate janice's birthday! but i'm so sorry that i was so dead when i got there already. i'm a lousy friend, but i want to make it up to u some other day! my dear wife deleted all the pics i took when she just wanted to delete one. i was feeling sad/traumatised/no feeling but definitely was not angry. i'm just feeling lost. but it has taught me to let things go. u didn't mean it to be, so it's not ur fault. it was meant to be, and hence it will be. no hard feelings. after all, i love you. please, janice and hong zhi don't go to the science centre to take the pictures for me. it's not worth it, though i appreciate what u mean.. i'm going to be so guilty if you're gonna do it..
"plak!";
x 8:16 pm
aj hockey! oi! aj hockey! oi! aj hockey! xad xad ooooiii!!~~~
12.5 rounds after project work today. it was supposed to be 17.5 though. then we had 4 times 250m sprints. 40 sec each. crazy lah. but before all these, i had a continuation of the hockey horrors again. the guys were spreading news of a girl i was with at mcdonalds. so indeed i have become gossip fodder :S
it happened the last time, when i pang sehed them for si min. they thought she was my girlfriend even until today. or maybe until they saw my wife. ahaha..i'm missing her so much already....it's ripping me from inside and closing me from the outside world. yah, herrick is the flirt in hockey now. winner! the girls meanwhile have lots of scandals they manufacture such that many girls are 'attached' to the unknowing, innocent hockey guys. so i hope i will be spared from all these. ahaha.
she told me she slept only 2 hours cos of overnight project. i didn't know what it was to be like, until i unintentionally did it two days after her. burnt up the weekend playing games and chatting. so i didn't touch homework. somehow, i slept at 1. only to wake up at 3. so imma very tired now. 2 hours of sleep. it is very detrimental to health and the consciousness. during chinese lesson i spent 5 to 10 minutes just laughing to myself. i thought my body was really itching when i laughed, and i liked the sensation. i'm sorry to hou teng and renny who were especially traumatised by my maniacal behaviour. even my sis knows one of the scariest things u could expect from a classmate was to have him or her laugh incessantly to himself/herself without any external provocation. spent the whole day in school laughing at very mean stuff. i got retribution in return. 3 girls blocked the way to the canteen extension. they were so inconsiderate that they just hawked the way there. i was so impatient that i was just like gonna force my way through. somehow my clumsiness got the better of me. and of course i was darn sleepily unconscious too. so i ended up banging against the bucket for which to collect used plates for the malay stall. the girls were so mean. they laughed so loudly that the whole canteen most probably would have heard them. i didn't give a fucking damn. i was laughing to myself. they blocked me, so i ended up having to bang into the bucket, causing a lot of noise and a dumb me for which the girls could mock at. i'm so pissed now. sluts they are. one of them is in my chinese class somemore. i hate sluts. i've had enough. ugly sluts.
"plak!";
x 9:33 pm
history repeating itself
i'm prepared to go find mr tan our dear principal, on monday already. as i was walking towards a zebra crossing at ang mo kio opposite the mrt station with hong zhi(about to cross), this mini lorry came zooming at a very dangerous speed. luckily we didn't just cross immediately. cos the driver who was very young did not even see us and he just drove through. it was a very dangerous act. if either of us had not stopped at the crossing before crossing(some pedestrians never stop to look and just cross), i cannot imagine what would have happened. but i was so angry with that that i RAISED MY MIDDLE FINGER in the direction of the driver who was so far away already cos he was driving just damn fast.
about a month ago aj had a case of a guy screaming fuck at a reckless driver who almost knocked him down aye. or something like that. i dun mind owning up if mr tan would have to inform the whole school of a similar incident on monday. of course nothing should happen unless another 'member of the public' noticed it. i think some singaporean adults have no life.there's better things to do than to just lodge complaints and all that. get a life! after all, i'm just at fault for pointing my middle finger. but that guy was at fault for almost knocking down hong zhi and i. that was how angry i was.
"plak!";
x 10:42 am
AHHHHHHHHH
aiya. dun be mean k. as the chinese saying goes, talk money hurt feelings(direct translation). instead of debating who deserves to get the money and leaving out those who helped you guys cos they simply helped on just a day or two for a couple of hours. it's not gonna be fair. of course it's gonna be ugly if u all were to sit down and really sort out the profits. SO WHY NOT GIVE IT TO THE CLASS FUND. it's supposed to be a class project, and i know 10 percent of the profits go to class fund already, but heck lah just throw it in and all ur unhappiness would be buried already. of course everyone can say i'm a bastard cos u all slog ur guts and pon lessons(i'm not sure if i'm right) to go sell ur wares and so u all deserve to pocket ur earnings. but well, i keep hearing stuff like ' we dun work for profit' etc. so u guys should have no qualms giving it to the class fund. end of everything on that.
hmm today was supposed to meet hong zhi at 6.30. so i had to just disappear while the guys happily played till 7 at least. then in order for her to meet her one and only so we went ang mo kio. more convenient. went to mac. so happy, didn't see any ajcians around at that time.(oh my god first time i'm using ajcian, but well i would like to use aj ppl actually) then eating eating....till about half an hour already. suddenly so OMG. saw ppl in aj uniform wielding hockey sticks walking in my direction, grinning at me. AHHHH THE HOCKEY GUYS!!!!! thought i would be relieved cos there weren't more than 7 of them. but still argh. the mac was like packed already, and they coming in with their hockey sticks and making tonnes of noise and laughing at me didn't help things much. they were teasing me so bad and so loudly that virtually everyone turned around to look at me. how embarrassing that was lah!!!!hong zhi seemed happy about it, maybe cos i got into trouble already. damn it's something i will not forget. and which will probably haunt me in future hockey trainings to come. i hope i've not become gossip fodder.
"plak!";
x 11:06 pm
realise i did
chee wei just made me realise a few facts. which i have forgotten. my mum is driving me nuts. anyone who has heard me on the phone talking to my mum would know to what extent that is so. i'm in a cca exco position. quartermaster. seems like nothing much now, but it's actually lots of sacrifices to be made i guess. i'm a class leader. and now service learning in-charge. oh my god. what have i done. anything screws up for track and field 2006, i'm screwed as much. that's all i know. i'm on tetherhooks cos of that. already i have to start reporting on any progress i get so far. my class being a non-sports class mainly. classmates are generally introverted, not as outgoing. of course, i still have faith in my classmates. it's what's keeps us going strong. if i start being overly unreasonable, please tell me on the spot. hmm, i still dunno how a guy with me can end up being a class leader. 1. failure to complete assignments on time. 2. inability to be in appropriate clothing and inability to keep myself tidy. 3. persistent use of atrocious language. not that bad huh. and i feel so inspired to compose a pledge. the idea came about when jian qi or chee wei thought that class leaders took a pledge. there wasn't any, so i'll make my own. i, the pdg rep of 3305, pledge to serve my class in all conditions, such that its eventual outcome is clearcut-of ruin, destruction and desecration. that my impressive qualities of irrationality, confusion, retardation to mention the very least would rub off onto all other aspiring classmates.
i dunno what i'm saying. just for laughs :)
wheee i'm meeting my wife tmr! something to live for!
"plak!";
x 11:20 pm
dun overdo it
in class the only people i dare criticise directly are the ppl closest to me. so i can just say anything i want. but i can never criticise the people who are not close to me, but why? cos i'm too nice. i'm been observing, and yea some i take it personally, some dun affect me, but i'm just totally upset with the person. it's not that i didn't want to contribute during the ____ tutorial, but just that i was not given the chance to.so i let you do what you want. and talk to the person throughout the whole lesson while the rest are nonexistent. hence i seemed to be doing nothing. only when there was no solution did i open my trap to give the solution. how to talk freely when everything is controlled by you huh. i'm still thinking whether i should just be open here. then during lecture you're so noisy. so i try to be an idiot as i have done everyday, and this time i make lots of noise in tutorial. and u turn back to give me that stare as if u wanted me to stop that cos it was so cacophonous. look, it's not that you're not at fault. it's just that i was the first to get pinpointed to be at fault. and i did that knowingly. i'm just being EXTREMELY tolerant. and u should not give other classmates attitude. and dun get ur funny friends disturbing the classmates. i hate that. we're gonna have service learning, and look. u can hate me all u want in future, but i'm in charge. i'm the service learning in-charge. that's a fact that shouldn't change. and we're doing the track and field meet. so i dun want to see attitude. the idea that it's gonna require perfection should be quite drilled into everyone by mrs toh huh. i already know what mrs toh wants of me. it's that if that idea of perfection isn't struck deep yet, i'll have to be the bad guy to do it for ya. personally, free of charge. i thought that since i'm the class leader i should be relieved of leading the service learning project. but she chose me, of all people. should i cheer or say damn. the hierarchy chart is as follows: mrs toh then me then adeline and bel. both under me. friends i can trust. so i suppose my job is easier. but mrs toh keeps saying my job is toughest. yep i know. i think i have to be a total bitch when we go into the details. i'm sorry guys, but most probably u all are gonna hate me. but since we chose this track and field meet where perfection is key, unlike the others, there's of course the elevated expectations that come with it. so u can either say we made this smart choice, or that we made this totally unforgivable mistake. it will have to depend on every one. and our partner class too. i sought approval to ask 3705's class rep to collaborate with us. also known as zi xian my chao gay friend. i only dared to ask him cos he's such a good friend i can talk to and suan. and since our classes are in same maths econs geog lectures so why not. and their pd tutor is ms ng, also one of our favs isn't it. oh ya our class voted her as most cheerful and most hyper teacher, so she's really one of our best-loved teachers. it's better than asking a science class actually. good thing mrs toh called it a great idea. phew. i feel it's better working with arts ppl than science. just so different. i think it's gonna be mrs toh here and mrs toh there for subsequent posts. though i was caught by her for being in orientation tee during today's cca investiture and for wearing cat high pants. it was so hot, that i rather change into that. since i was gonna have hockey later anyway. just my luck. ppl behind all wearing pe shirts also. sigh. the investiture was so boring. when it ended, i didn't even realise it. i was dribbling much of the time. wee liang said the girls beside were looking at me doing it one by one. this shows how bored the fellow sauna-goers were huh..got to know something during hockey. wee liang's gonna be so sad. but i shall not say it. no one ask me.
one last thing, sorry for not helping out in the class econs PROJECT. it's just a project. it's cos i really have been doing my work when i could have been helping out there. i still owe work. i still have yet to do gp newspaper article and history tutorial 10. if i can't even catch up with work, what of other 'enrichment' and whatnot. it accounts for lots of stuff. and also one more reason why i dun want to help out. but i'm not telling anyone.seems like i reneged on my promises. all made empty. i'm sorry, chee wei. i promised to help. now, it's just that i can't. and i don't want to. some class rep eh. i still think about why i'm a class rep. of all the guys, i look the least like one, i'm sure.(faggots are not guys ya know justin?)and i certainly dun behave like one. i'm antisocial too. hahahahaha. i'm also a tired freak. very tired. and i'm insane.
oh i just heard sr nathan's been reelected as president again. the ppl cheering when he struggled to speak chinese. totally -_-" whatever. so sad that the nominess were turned down. one was a cleaner i think. haha. the other some jtc industrialist. whatever i dunno i dun read the news. i'm gonna go sleep now. wake up at 4 to do work. cheer up, adeline! i have to admit this, but i'll never quarrel with adeline or yun hui. i'm almost sure.
"plak!";
x 10:05 pm
my poor sis ar.
.: hi.. .: had ur sinner? .: *dinner ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: hi ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: yupp .. ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: u haven eat ar ? .: nope .: waitin for u to msg me lo .: haha ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: huh . sorry lar .. haha .. ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: go n eat now lar . .: dun wan la... .: wat u doin? ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: ltr gastric dun find me ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: listenin to mum n bro blabbering ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: noisy sial .: ic... .: haha... .: wont find u de la... u also nt doctor... now wat tym liao by the tym i go eat already wat tym ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: haha .. ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: i ate dinner 9+ b4 .. .: haha... dun eat so late lo... nt good for ur health de... k? ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: nvm 1 . my digestive system fast de . ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: haha .: haha... kk... btw tmr wanna go out? ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: dun feel lik goin out .. .: ic... than dun force u le lo... since i ask u every wk u also dun go i guess i noe u wont go out whenever i ask de ba.. hmm... forget it... ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: no lor .. ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: really no mood wad .. ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: anw i go out wid u all also dun click de . w/o me u all tok alot 1 wad .. i dun wan b xtra .. .: hmm... i noe... nvm... wont force u de... u free n when u wanna go out than look for me lo... wont disturb u liao... btw i always ask u out is coz of the fact tt i like u... n everytym u say no it hurts... i noe u dun click... so i also wont say more.. haha... suit u ba... aniway how i feel wont concern u rite? u haf all the rite to not come out... i accept the fact... ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: im nt ur only fren .. u can go out wid others de lor .. .: haha... ya i noe.. but u r the 1 i am concern now... ani1 else is nt important to be exact... haha... mayb u can say its foolish but to me its nt... ya sure u r nt my onli fren... but i dun wanna be juz frenz... but i noe its nt realli possible... tts y i am waitin... nt doin much to annoy u... haha... i will juz stay hm n rot ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: since u said itz nt really possible , y wait .. ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: no lar . din annoy .. wad for let urself rot when u lik to go out .. find others also can de lo ..: as for y i am waitin its becoz i neber fell so deepli for some1.. i dun wan my feelin to go to waste... i noe if i dun wait n gif it a shot i will not forgif myself in future... coz u r always in my mind... every min every sec... no doubt abt tt.. i dun wanna regret... u noe... since i can get a B4 for my chinese when i haf been failin for yrs... y nt i gif it a shot... ll _ StephiE ` life is but a dream for the dead .: dunnoe wad to sae . anw , congrats .. .: aniway... dun bother abt wat i said.. i noe u wont care.... n the skool still wans me to re-take... nth to celebrate abt... i noe i am nt gd enuff for u de... but i wont gif up... i am a sportsperson ll _ StephiE ` a fragile life ; trace this life out .: retake lo . i din sae ure nt gd enough for me .. .: i wont study for the retake de... no use de la... hmm... juz hopin tt u would gif me a chance lo.. ll _ StephiE ` a fragile life ; trace this life out .: u noe it 1 nor .. .: yup... i noe... juz hopin u would change ur mind ll _ StephiE ` a fragile life ; trace this life out .: orh . ok . .: btw if u change ur mind i goin for a movie wif them tmr... i guess is the maid... i will ask u again tmr... bbte .: *bbye ll _ StephiE ` a fragile life ; trace this life out .: bek cek sial ....... ll _ StephiE ` a fragile life ; trace this life out .: orh . ok . ll _ StephiE ` a fragile life ; trace this life out .: i watching on tues ..
"plak!";
x 7:44 pm
nothing
i looked back into the message history today. remembered i'm the first guy to hold ur hand. hahahaha. okay i'm crazy.
"plak!";
x 12:41 am
*giggles*
it's such a funny thing seeing how someone almost fell on the mrt. haha..that someone just threw her face there. had i not supported her, she would have fell down on the mrt for many more times. hehe. she's just so funny!
"plak!";
x 10:51 pm
reply
1.i wasn't updated, so the following day it became rebana kompang? haha. like i'm supposed to help out but nobody tells me what to do. so it's GREAT that i'm not fanning anyone ;) yea and no more singlets and shorts. but i still don't know what to wear. someone message me please.
2.i know terence did not demand a redrawal of lots, but it was the way he asked. never mind. i'm just describing what happened.
3.of course no one would get much of my entries. just like the way ppl blog like 'he's so cute!!!!!kawaiii!' of course who would know what the hell they are talking about. but if u don't get anything, feel free to clarify. (service helpline? x_x)
4.realise i'm mostly away, playing games? the times when i'm online, are the times when i am rushing through my homework. and nowadays i rarely chat with anyone for long..but there are exceptions..(actually only one:P) i must say i used to chat a lot with many people then. nowadays, i'm rather tired of it.
hope u got this cleared up bel ya? if anything just ask me. i admit , i'm weird. i'm an eccentric. i know my temper is weird too. it does resemble a violin frequency. up and down in a short span of time. (maybe u dun get this part too^^) well i'm supposed to have a rotten character considering my parents dun care for me in the right way, but i'm trying very hard to stick to the good side. so that's why i will have relapses when i'm totally bleagh..i dun want to make any enemies or lose any friends. but again, i'm antisocial. quite. so it's not that i'm taking anyone for granted, it's that it's just me again. so sad that during breaks i'm just doing my homework.
"plak!";
x 9:22 am
so glad i didn't have to climb over the wall
a whole day of hockey. not really, but yea more or less. went to school to get three keeper kits, balls, cones, bips( however u spell that!). just when everyone in class thought my bag was huge. oh my god. i never seen such a huge bag before! the keeper kit can store like FOUR of my adidas bags! just like the way my adidas bag can store FOUR of renny's bag! isn't that horrid! cos training started at one, and school was supposed to close at one, i was going to have lotsa trouble getting the bags back. cos i would have to climb into school. that was what supposed to have happened. but to my relief, the gates were wide open. the friendly malay security guard was so surprised. asked us where we came from. he was just so surprised. so no more worries about climbing into school and being arrested and whatever. many thanks to kelvin, jonathan and gordon who helped to bring the stuff back to school. hehe. the girls are so gonna help me bring the bags back too now that the gates will be open! justin and i are really gonna be the sai gang kings. wa ha ha ha. oh ya just before i left, jonathan told me to go explore the girls' toilet. lol. lame me. never go in before what(duh). so i went in, wow..there was.....NO ONE! -_-" gonna go shopping now. byebye!
"plak!";
x 7:39 pm
chocolates induce death in dogs-it's true
being accused of having something against each and every one of my classmates. sweeping statements are a no-no. i've nothing against any of my classmates. clear as that. whether i end up quarrelling with 'all' my classmates by the end of j2, that's MY business. i will decide what to do at each point in time cause i have tasks to accomplish. if u say i'm gonna quarrel with all my classmates eventually, first one would be you. i would have no qualms about it won't you say.
forgive me for being scary. for my violence in school. it's me. it's all about getting the work done. have you all understood how much pressure i am facing to do my stuff? it's hard getting a balance, and my lack of sleep no matter how many hours has been causing a short temperament. of course it is a nice feeling to know that most classmates are concerned at times. i had to take all the blame cos i 'didn't allocate work properly'. not much time to do up, how much can i allocate. i can't trust, so that's why i end up doing it myself and getting reprimanded for being so. who has ever known. and that i must get members out of my group to get things done, cos i know they are people i can trust(to do work)? ur good friends in school, those who hang around you, may be the best people to trust in ur thoughts yea, but it doesn't mean they are those who would definitely work to the best of their abilities for you, or even put in that little bit of effort. of course i know everyone should have learnt something, so i prefer not to say it in person and to keep it online, in text alone. what mrs toh was unhappy about was that a class leader should allocate tasks to different members, and not to do the task himself. 'i'm very sure there's only one person doing all the work.' i'm sure it was a very unpleasant moment for most of us, even myself. cos it's nothing good for anyone at all. haven't heard it in person, but christabel says on her blog that her national day food comm members are bailing out on her or something. yea that day i was the only one getting scolded and the others getting praised. but if this attitude is infused in some of us, i dun believe the other groups will work smoothly. yea they certainly had more enthusiasm and noise than my group, but i hope all goes fine. i really hope i wun see anything similar to my case. where the class leader is left to rot by himself/herself(well there's only bel and chee yao). not to mention i have to be in some class mascot presentation. of course the first reaction was the four letter word, but no hard feelings. i mean we had a previous drawing of lots which was fair, but the boys didn't witness, and terence who got chosen demanded the lots be drawn again, and i got it. i can't say he was wrong to ask for it, but he couldn't accept that it was him. this attitude is to some extent present in everyone. maybe it's that he reacted quite violently to it. well suppose that's his nature. dun suppose i can do anything about it. so yea i will be fanning banana leaves with hou teng. fanning liang pei the class mascot. liang pei deserves an honorary mention. she saves my life every lesson. it's always her. and i'm glad. not like me, i can't save anyone in my group who's getting called. not shawn, not wee liang. it's just that i don't know a thing, maybe cos i'm wasting time on things like this at times at 12.39 when i start to cough and blood pressure falls and i don't ever think my sentences ever end.. but at least i know dropping maths was the first right move, though my steps now must be more cautious. i know i will have much fun on national day though i'm doing dumb crap no one likes to do. but i like to make things fun. yea. so though it will be dumb, i will ensure it will be fun. something about wearing singlet and shorts and slippers, holding banana leaves. seems that it's been modified, but well it does make for some diversion to the packed national day timetable, where we are to do this and that in like 3 hours or so. but i ay forsee trouble, cos i do have to bring the class around then, but cy or bel can do it too. so i will go fan liang pei with hou teng.
hou teng's another guy i have to be thankful for. i mean every guy calls him ting mei everyday, he doesn't really mind, especially when u compare similar situations with other ppl. all along, everytime during pe, we are the only 2 who fail only standing broad jump. so used to failing it. and we've always been together for pe while the rest are like 'those who failed pull-ups' or 'those who failed 2 or more stations'. and today was the retest. mr koh taught a new method of doing broad jump. so he said guys first, this time no more ladies first. and there were only the 2 of us there! so i was kind of shocked. i usually waited for everyone to finish it before i did it. no one would be looking then. but today, all the girls were looking. *gulp* heard them talking about me. hem hem. but didn't exactly hear what they said..too bad! so the method was to extend your hands perpendicular to ur body. then, as ur hands went down, u bent ur knees, and as ur hands swung back to the original position, u thrust ur body forward. sounds incredible, but it worked. it meant only 1 swing was to be used. of course i didn't succeed the first few times, but with some encouragement i finally passed that dumb station~~~~~~ and he passed on the first attempt. guess we were so elated, we just kept smiling, even when i was sorta getting scolded and stuff, still smiling. hahahah. it's like 2 years at least. grrr i did 4 pull ups only. the last one was like 7/8 done, and i couldn't do it anymore, so i tried to jump up in desperation. first time i used this commonly used method. and it didn't work. they didn't count it. hands and legs were still very tired. during shuttle run, when i bent down that 2 times, it really hurt. my knees. ask wee liang. he always has same problems as me as in the body areas. excruciating. but a pass was all i needed, so well. sit and reach, i knew i had 'deproved' (i'm still lazy to find out the real term). so i got 38 cm. which is damn lousy. but who cares. my forehead can still touch my knee! cos my legs back muscles were so tight, that's why i just couldn't push in front anymore. but a pass, all that i needed. so i didn't care. even my pushups were trouble. did only 43-3. 3 off cos of violations. and my stomach is the one feeling stretched after every physical activity, so it was really tormenting too.
we saw our coach on wednesday. i mean we saw him the second time now, he still is as great to me. for he is able to influence and manipulate very well. with morning pe on wednesdays too, my hockey practices have become more tough than most other guys. ah yea, bear with it i will. captain and vice- captain were announced too. jason and guang wu. secretary/treasurer was shafiq. cos he was absent, he got sabotaged. quartermasters are me and justin seng. lucky he's also from cat high. but i volunteered for god knows what reasons, and he was asked to become qm. okay, at least it means we two have something more in common now, rather than just same alma mater that's it. 22 guys, and 11 roles on the field. there would be constant rolling substitution, and i hope i can make it in the school team. or else, what would i be there for? just remembered mark told me he could make me vice cap if he wanted to, but i clearly showed i was just not interested in all that. of course, that was so long ago. fame's just not for me. started to get teased about being a sai gang king on wednesday itself; not to say seng was spared. haha..his retort was ' qm is supposed to order ppl to do things, not do things himself'. no one responded to that, perhaps only with silly laughter.then i thought of what just happened the day before..
i didn't get scolded for no cause. mrs toh kept repeating well-done. and i owe my thanks to terence, hou teng and adeline, jian qi and chee wei. as i so sarcastically told her, adeline's the brain, i'm the mouthpiece. cos i didn't think much. and adeline did the thinking and told them to me. terence and hou teng for the creation of the actual product. jian qi and chee wei for their ps skills. without them two, it would never have worked. and of course, i must stress they could have just declined my request for help and left me to die and suffer...but instead, they said it's not a problem at all and went all the way to help me. you know you're having a nice day when ur work is distributed efficiently this way. all smiles, everyone's happy, no black faces, no guilt, solomanship nonexistent, no ugly scenes which i intentionally create. i shouldn't do that, especially when it's my friends i'm dealing with, but until the day i get more than an 'orh' followed by inaction/just an acknowledgement that he's been hearing what you've saying and that's it, i don't know what best to do. so i do wrong stuff. very very wrong and ugly. for which i'm sorry. maybe threats next time would work. threats with consequences, not weapons. i'm not a gangster after all:)
(lame). this is so long cos it's meant for me to read. dun think anyone would bother to plough through this garbage actually, so i feel quite secure here. but nothing that i should hide anyway, transparency's the way to go ain't it. many thanks to chee wei for showing me concern and pulling me back from the brink of insanity. i really owe lots to some of my classmates. i perhaps appear as very lost at times, gonna need help when it's so. after all, you all promised to support me when u all chose me as class leader..of course there have been exceptions huh. but we're friends after all, that i confess i forget easily. my memory's bad, so i know i wun remember anything much that happens.
memory's bad but that doesn't stop me from forgetting my wife used to piece jigsaw puzzles with one hand. so busy nowadays, but u still shower me with ur care and concern isn't it. hah. i'm sweet cos i learnt it from you.
i just didn't want to talk to anyone online today,except you. i've so many things in my head that i wanna say. but i'm confused as to what they are. so i shall not say it then.
今天，韩老师跟我们说问题孩童的根源。听着听着，我眼泪差点就掉落了。因为我家境贫穷，一点家长的爱都没有。即使有，我也看不出。他们不知怎么爱我，我也不知道我到底要他们怎么爱我。我的确是很不快乐。十七岁了，但我这样感觉，应该没有错吧。我一点也不羞耻。照老师所说的，我早就已经掉入教育系统的无底洞了。照老师所说的，我的品格早就应该变得很破烂，恶心。但是，我仍到今天，还支撑下去。我不愿意让家境压倒我。我会克服这一切。
"plak!";
x 1:32 am
mug ur head
as usual, i'm bloghopping around.. so this was what i found....
"every wed, the same things are happening. seeing the guys walkin' arnd like gangsters (some) or posing with the sticks. using them for who-knows-what purposes. perhaps threatening pple.. i dunno. it's too show-off n i tnk it's rather weird."
i think she's referring to ME! i am guilty of all of the above!i feel it is justified for hockey members to be a bit like gangsters due to the nature of the sport huh. sometimes i feel it is the classmates who are posing though, cos they have this natural fascination with a hockey stick. so the hockey guys let their classmates take them, and they start doing funny stuff with them...even during hockey the guys also start to venture into the stick's 'other uses'. but they never seem to get started much. so i think it is a positive sign. but well. still as obscene in many other areas.
anyway i'm happy that i dun know everyone in hockey that well. if i were to add them all in my msn contact list, i probably have to make one more account just for hockey already..my msn's still as full. unless. unless. unless. i delete my cat high friends' contacts(that would be one of the craziest things to do), or delete my foreign friends contacts(NO! i wanna be in touch with the world!). oh well, i dun want to start adding the hockey guys. and i dun want them to start. then i'll start crying T_T. speaking of contacts, my class was one of the first to get involved in that oral presentation workshop. there were a few things we had to take note of. 'confidence(eye contact)'. so i said, i got lots of confidence, cos i got eye contacts. ahahahhaha. LAME.
anyway, i had to change my bag, cos that old one was too old, and it reeked of my expired perspiration. yucks. how gross. yea, so i changed it. but couldn't find any bag that was big enough and close to decent. so i had to take out my huge travelling adidas bag. the kind ppl bring with them when they go overseas. it's not big, well....but it's damn long. i've knocked down a few ppl with that so far. and to those victims, i'm so sorry. it's too huge, i admit. i'm sorry. but i'm not using that bag for posing. anyway, it's very useful. tonnes of storage space, just like gmail. i just hope the situation of an ant inside a warehouse doesn't occur. then it's dumb, and i'll be posing already.
mrs toh said our class was the most mugger. as in had the image of being most mugger among the arts classes. of course, i agree to some extent. and being mugger is bad. unhealthy. slap. no. like what she said, we have to be effective muggers if we are to be muggers. hahaha. if not then mugging's not worth it. I DUN CARE ; I'M NOT A MUGGER! and i think other classes feel that our class is mugger too. or muggerish. anyway this was never a word. in my english sense. come on, look at me. i'm the class rep, do i look mugger any bit to you?usually the class rep represents the class,so i dun think it's fair to say my class is the most mugger. cos i dun mug at all. i play. that's what people should do. on the comp for 4 hours a day on average, i dun care nemore. it's always been this way, i'm not willing to change. at most, what i am willing to accept may be that my classmates are more socially inactive. nothing wrong with that. somehow, i feel insulted if i am called either a mugger or cheena. dun ask. i will just be. it's not being cheena, but being bilingual and speaking your language. at least i sound natural when i speak. accents are a joke. cheesy australian, british, american, beijing accents. havem all. love to play with them. of course i'm still far from perfect.
for 2 continuous days the class guys have been doing pullups after school/during breaks together. it's such an encouraging sight. that qing yi will be able to do 3 pull ups soon. with neither difficulty nor assistance, of course. the other guys are on their way there too. i have to make myself absent though. i may be seen as a bastard. but i also wanna train. they also taught me how to do a proper pushup. can u believe it. 17 years. finally know how to do a pushup. i recall myself learning how to cycle at 11, having the ability to climb monkey bars at 13. and i still have not learnt how to swim.
"plak!";
x 7:36 pm
that's nice
yay it's now 12.19, monday morning. but who cares. chinese not yet finished. geog assignment not yet finished. though they're to be due in a matter of time. but who cares. i'm still chatting with hong zhi. she's gonna change. she will stop hitting ppl. yea right, first thing she does when she sees me would be to hit me. hahaha..she's so gonna fail..
i realised i've not been blogging for a few days, maybe they weren't worth it. anyway it was good to see adeline back in school and in perfect wollen condition(internal joke). though she's not fat. i think she's the best girl friend i have in class. can happily suan without any consequences much. yun hui is also a very good friend to me. liang pei always saves my life during econs. still, i know i am not being a good-enough friend to them. dunno why. stop reciting "it doesn't even matter how hard u try"! so many nice ppl around me, just to name a few. harry and i talked for the first time in like 3 months or something. nothing's wrong now, i hope. why would people want to sabotage me. damn it. and still lie about it. i really don't want to have enemies; can people stop creating them for me. bloody ass.
as usual, had hockey on saturday. i was the odd one out..only 13 present that day. so i paired up with mr seow. he's so friendly and fun. even did the pumping with me. dun think other teachers would do so. yup. he has my respect. guess i sorta got the hits. sweeps..still need time and practice to improve. it was the first time i hit so effortlessly yet it was so fast. i really am so happy for that. but my stamina sucks. three rounds of dribbling made my legs wobbly. i was staggering that i was gonna fall down near the end of it. not to forget the knee-breaking exercises i had on wednesday. justin would be the other quartermaster. so we'll be taking turns. but we dun have a secretary or treasurer still. went to j8 after prac. the guys decided to go pastamania, though not all agreed voluntarily. it's so ex, and wun really make u full. ya, i was one of those making noise, but just for the fun of it, cos i knew i was gonna eat there anyway..but not with them. cos i already wanted to meet with si min. haha. that's when i got into trouble i guess..sure going to get teased in school. oh well, used to it already. shawn pang sehed us last minute. didn't say the reason, but i just teased him as usual..
si min is a very fast girl. she also likes fun i guess. but i promised not to tell. ahahaha. dirty little dumb girl. oh ya, we saw charis outside the mrt station at about 1.30. i just turned and saw her. so si min said 'no wonder u said meet here. cos u knew she was gonna walk past' si min was probably thinking of the same thing charis was thinking about me, of her. confusing. haha. but she was going for lunch with her other green skirt friends(sorry waye ning =P) and after that to some rg concert. anyway, si min still tossed cheese and cracked red pepper into my plate. some things never change. we ate there for some time, but decided there was no way to study at pastamania. and also they wouldn't allow it. so we went to mac's.
sat there and started taking out the books and files and ....all the props....hahaha...turned out we would eventually do a little bit of work. really a little bit. well, i didn't do any actually. cos we were chatting away.....a very long time..........listened to the national day song on the mac tv gazillion times, such that the tune sticks in ur head and that disgusting choreo keeps playing itself in ur head. both trapped in the fantasy of the first three months. we seemed to be able to remember almost every day, every event that happened then. but not for the four months after that. reminiscing of everything..trevor..class barbecue..family carnival..and she told me the story of some despo who got her number...and the disastrous results that followed for him. and he's in geog class. then and now.haha. fodder for the gossip mongers. lousy pickup lines. bad flirt. throwface.throwface.THROWFACE!!! omg. and he was in chinese class with me. heh. pretty obvious who. but forget i ever said anything. hahaha. though we laughed for like ten minutes when she told me the story..loser..oh well....i've enough things in my head to keep myself laughing insanically and without foreign assistance. meaning laughing to myself and people thinking i've lost a screw.
anyway we giggled till very late. 6.30 there about. then, for some reason i suddenly turned, and again, CHARIS! befuddled expression on her face. oh my, you guys are still here? i went for a concert and came back , u two are still here! crazy la.....something like that. about 5 hours. when she came, then we left. haha..sorry...wanted to talk to charis also..but it was time to head home anyway. oh ya. si min was eating smarties. i said keep them for urself. hope the dirty little dumb girl has turned smarter. even if it's just a little bit. ahaha..i will recommend them to zhi zhi..smarties makes u smart..lol..how i miss si min's egoism. ahahaha...the days when she smeared her name all over my worksheet. how dumb.reminiscence. that's what i'm doing now. call that waste of time, but i dun care. it's a way to spend quality time. i wonder if the other 36 guys and girls think about our first three months as much as si min or i do,especially those still in aj now.how i miss u, 3605! it's weird that i seem to forget that janice was my classmate. but she would know why i think like that. she wouldn't blame me.
1.19 now. i had to type slowly and softly for fear of waking up my pop and mom. i'm glad my mom hasn't been scolding me for the past few days now. phew. i really fear. that my upcoming weekends will be spent at home. ah yea that's about how i spent saturday. sunday was all sleeping and ntuc and comp. yea i love going to shop for grocery. call that gay and unguyish, but i like it. i'm a filial son, after all :D ah yes thanks so much to si min. had a really enjoyable day with you, scandal partner! life is so boring in aj without the scandals. no more skenderlers me. sigh. i wanna be a mugger now. wait, no. i just wanna be a happy man. yay. that would be nice :)
"plak!";
x 1:27 am