|| .burnynng on just lyke a matchh you stryyke to incynerate ||

and i looked beyond the looking glass

i just keep thinking. why the class has to be so small. it's an arena for conflict. but even when it's so small. it's such an irony. everyone is guilty of it, but not necessarily contrite about it. i feel damn awkward whenever i see it repeat, day after day. the second intakers are being quite left out. after school, they are the first to scurry off. where to? i don't know, but home's my probable guess. and they go together. why is it that they will never quite seem to integrate into the class? there are some such monks on the boys side too, but hey at least they communicate with all the boys in class. even make digs at one another sometimes.

then the girls? first three months versus second-intakers? first three months ppl dun make much effort to even acknowledge their presence sometimes, just preoccupied in their own world. maybe with some other guy in class too. but that guy would have been labelled as a traitor and condemned to the firing squad. the second-intakers then? somewhat similar, but it's that they are in their own world, and they don't seem to like talking with the rest of the classmates. it's been going on since term started. i can't bear to see it happening anymore. everyone just pretends there's nothing wrong. i mean yes, we do have our cliques and selves to stick with, but this situation is a very unhealthy one in which we dun even have a minimal amount of contact every other class would have.

maybe i should be like everyone else, just looking through people without looking at people.

the boys.they would have some constructive opinions about this. yes i'll go talk to them. okie but at least a few would be reading this. tell me what ur views are. the guys. we always have so much to share. we know what's wrong. but we can't say much in school or at home. perhaps we should have a secret blog. yes, if you're a girl and you're reading this congratulations now then u realise we have many problems in class. i'm sorry if you're si min or charis or janice or whoever might be reading this, but i'm sorry the situation in the class is definitely far from the utopia we had in the first three months. with that i take it upon myself to have failed as the class rep to stop things from deteoriating to such a level. it's come to a point where it's useless to say 'some people are like this' or whatnot cos the class only has 22 members of which a definite fixed amount have never taken part in the affairs as we know it. i guess it'll be soon that i'll have to mention names. it's gonna be ugly, but i don't see any other solution as of yet. maybe consult mrs toh. hmm. but she might get the impression we're trying to gang up on some person we dun like kind of thing, so no way for now. if you realise you're getting some kind of blockade then it means something is very wrong with you. and that includes u shawn.

i don't know how our friendship got so bad. may be me being too harsh on you, but surely there were things u had done so far that warrants u such a treatment from me, and all the other boys in the class. i guess u know already, but u never want to change. zhong se qin you. guys in a group never tolerate that. in fact it just makes u a major booboo the instant you are like that. and it's time to be a man. if u like her, just say it. nothing to be afraid of. it just so sickens the other boys that you seem to like a person but only thing u do is to deny it. we dun like this kind of fickle-minded ness. and anyway we aren't dumb. 6 minds put together are much better at analysing than 1 mind thinking nothing's wrong. things i should say, things i shouldn't say. i shan't say those. until u decide to change, the boys will just be irritated at your unimpressive efforts to cover up matters. but know this, if u like er-hem, the guys will be behind you. yea but ____ , the guys have been thinking of this..okie it's really very mean but we really want to know why. shawn's obsession with lindee for 5 whole months with little reciprocation on her side is quite a major thing that has plagued class discussions and fuelled longlasting debates. then in just 1 week, you totally forgot her and immediately 'changed ur target' as local lingo goes. that left us with gaping gaps. which lasted more than 1 week. shawn, you're incredible. never had i thought i would have to impeach a friend whom i held so dear to me. but u changed. i'm not going to offer u a compromise.

to all the 35 ppl, sorry if u think my class has been hating u or what(i'm just hoping someone sees this). suppose everyone does get irritated by other classes every once in a while. but i assure u, it has never gotten any worse than that. how are we to care about others, when all we care for is 'ourselves'. dun suppose my class could do much hating or what when it's all in a mess. or maybe it's cos of that mess that shards and splinters fly out and hurt others? i don't know.

i know there are people who don't like me, maybe that's why my life has been made difficult. but then you don't have to come telling me u hate me, u just have to come up to me telling why u hate me, for i already know who.i ain't dumb. i can analyse better than u. of course, i'm quite an actor,or poseur. so i know ur acting sucks, for i already saw through it. and then i will tell you why i hate you too. of course for some days we wun be liking each other, but at least there's hope for peace thereafter. just do it, will you. after all, that's the only way people would change. in the environment that i know of.

i've gone past tolerating. past ignorance. it's hammer time. i don't want to be launching any covert wars. i want everyone to be pleased with each other. i want people to tolerate and forgive and forget. i'm just too ambitious. perhaps it's time to come out to talk about what's wrong.

"plak!";
x 3:35 am

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