fair play anyone?
my classmates are still great. this wun change,and i'm looking forward to the class outing on saturday. what i did in class, u know. i shan't bother filling u in.
today we all got to the comp lab. charlene tried to go to my blog. and u asked why it was perpetual sorrow, i actually have no idea. many people have told me it sounds girlish, but whatever. yea and the way i stand is the way a girl does. no one ever told me so. erm, do most other girls know that too? i think i haven't had any sorrowful posts so far, and maybe this would be one. so sorry for this.
during hockey, i got to know 1 guy from riverside. his name was kian ling or something. we were playing a minimatch. there was this guy on the opposing team in green pants. (due to my volatile mood now he shall be named 'fucker' for the sake of convenience in this particular post.)
kian ling and i noticed he was the roughest player and also the most unscrupulous one. we two just did not like him at that point of time already. thankfully for the fucker, the session was coming to an end. who knows what would have happened if we had continued the mini match.we two,though just knew each other in a matter of minutes,would be conniving to just run him down(whatever u want to use to kill a person).
then the seniors debriefed and et cetera. most ppl went off after, but some stayed on to play among ourselves. the fucker was in there. so was xavier and marian. he sort of started off rough, but i didn't let impressions take control. maybe it was cos i was always far from him. then yi hong the goalie on my team wanted to swap. so i went for it. within moments of being in action, that fucker was damn close to my post and when he got close enough to shoot the ball, he swung his stick damn hard and high la. i was just in front of him, as in really close. phrase is ' hard and high ' and ' damn close '.
then he struck my fingers, middle and index.
yea and i just shot off stuff like owwww it hurts why must u play so rough it's just a game play more gracefully la. then after that i just walked one side and uttered ci bai.
his reaction?i just did not want to see his face. but all i knew was that no word of apology was being offered. fucking asshole.i would love to tell that to kian ling.
kelvin the only senior there was most probably disgusted with my behaviour cos it would have seemed that i was the one without sportmanship, not the bloody fucker. the other boys would have thought little of me by then already. after that i just cooled down. it's really a long time since i got angry.
what is happening to me.
played on but performed substandardly.
a deep apology to my buddies marian and xavier. they got to see something that i never showed them. yup marian said she didn't believe it. did not believe it was me who did all that. i could not believe it either. guess everyone was thoroughly disturbed. as was in cat high. i'm sure i disturbed some friends before.
maybe it's cos i'm tired. but then my fingers really hurt. they were smashed hard i tell ya. i'm now afraid, cos when such form of violence happens just once, they easily recur. i was so afraid i would smash that fucker the way he did to me too. the thoughts are all too scary. and that's why i'm afraid of myself.
and my some of my classmates (u all rock !!!!) thought i was quite buay song when i made that egoistic speech on 'me' today. i'm showing my displeasure too palpably already. and that's dangerous. i dun like my gp teacher. no one in my class does. she is definitely a zero eq creature. potatohead would score better. she doesn't know how to get popularity with us. after meting out horrendous punishments and setting unrealistic deadlines for the re-submission of mediocre work, the class had a 360 degree change of impression. and she was not even shy to declare that ' i think i'm quite a nice person' after those dictatorial statements (i hear my classmates cheering.....). TARD.
a huge chance that i wouldn't be what i have been all this while this year. but i know my lovable classmates would surely perk me up! they're nice people! and i wun want to disappoint you all!
i'm feeling much better now.i'm still staying in hockey. there would always be one or two out to ruin our day. maybe i am so silly as to let one person tear through my heart.
what a fool you are, dumb ass.
"plak!";
x 9:06 pm
weekly update
dunno what i'm doing here,but i thought u ppl want to know my oh-so-very-interesting life,so i'm back with some nonsense.my memory's quite bad,so impressions are the only remnant.oh so i spent the week making more friends,getting more lectures,giving more smiles,feeling much better and whatever can happen la!
my last post was real weird.i was imagining things i think.my classmates didn't turn out to be such a horrible bunch,but contrary to that,a very nice group of people!love ya 36/05!everyone is so friendly,and luckily there isn't any dao guy in the class,nor nerds!we are all so bubbly and so fun-loving isn't it?my form teacher,mr trevor is great also!his lectures are the most serious of all subjects.no one makes a noise,and everyone around u is furiously copying down the slides(yea why can't he upload it for us lol).during class bonding the only thing worth remembering for all of us was that 20 questions!my group was fantastic,i mean we all had such a great time guessing right?(yea you all were mad at me :D).ok la,so i topped the class lor.big deal.just a game what.remember,"it's just a game.getting highest doesn't meant you're smart and getting zero doesn't mean you're an idiot."but the game was still so fun la.i want to play again some day!
then i was like sick of everyone asking who's that hot nanyang girl beside u.it's like whoever i meet will surely ask that question,and throw in occasional assumptions.if u want to know,she's marian,and she's my best friend.yea,no one believes me.but oh well,best friends spend their time together and show care and concern for each other right?dun see why ppl would want to gossip about me la,it's as though their got nothing in their lives like that.lame.
was chatting with eugene yesterday.talked a lot again la,and i knew someone had told him something.yu ling.must be.but what she told him was luckily not gossip but just something simple.
Herrick is weird.
oh nice i like that.
went on to account for what made me weird.so basically it's cos when i'm alone walking,my face is either bloody nerdy,or very smug.see ppl also pretend never see.quite bad la,but when i see someone i know,this disguise breaks down automatically.eugene believed it also,cos he described this," and a guys dat has a face dat says...dun come near me or tok to me or else i will fuck u upside down."
well,he sure must know my face well.that's when i'm alone,remember.minsi told me my msn display pic which my sis took for me is gothic.and i totally agree!how rare it is to find gothic stuff in singapore!so to me the artistic value is so very high mwahahaha.others tell me it's ghostly,and i like it all the same!so rare to get such ghostly effects naturally.anyway,the pic was taken under fully lighted conditions at night.just that the phone sucks,spoiling the natural colourations and replacing them with a more dull variety.
went to friendster to check out my classmates who use friendster.out of the 25,i think only up to 10 has friendster.anyway,went to see the profile of my classmate,cherie.i dun really have an impression of her,so that's why i went to see.then i saw the connections.i'm connected to her through my cousin!how cool is that!(fine,i've been making lots of noise on this lame discovery ahhaha)then only i dared to add cherie to my msn contacts.it's a rather interesting thought.i can't play a fool anymore,cos she will tell mary.ahhahaa.dun think she will la,but then if i offend her then mwahahhaa.then mary will know and then whole family will know and i tekan liao.but mary is not that type also.so i will still have freedom to do whatever i desire!
my maths lecturer is driving me nuts.there's no way i'm going to pass maths 9233 if he continues to be our lecturer,cos me and my classmates will simply be laughing and rolling our heads off!prus, minus, tarms, divide.not bad la,mispronounce(misprorounce ROR=LOL) 2 terms wrongry onry.so u get what i'm trying to say oready right?he can't pronounce 'ell' la basically.u can hear a few rows of meanies repeating "brank"s and "prus"s anytime in his recture.first time in his lesson,i was sitting with my class,then i think i laughed the loudest and the most inconsiderately.so mcuh that charlene had to turn back to say i'm very mean.not that she didn't laugh too,but i just went haywire and couldn't stop!then she went to complain to marian how mean i was..haahaha..but i'm not the only one laughing la.
then today ar,was the first time i went to bowl(are u saying something like big deal or something?haha..)at first i got a few zeroes but shortly after i consecutively got 2 strikes after observing some league players' playing.here's what i did.grab a 13 and gather some momentum,then toss the ball in air for about 1 to 1.5 m before letting it land.then it would be strong enough to whack everything down.did that 2 times la.almost won the game,but jun hao won me by a meagre forgot how many points,and i won jun wei by around the same amount too.ann got quite a low score and adam being first time playing also got a very low score too...we played 2 games each.was very fun i tell ya.some kid of around 4 was playing beside us too.by himself.got a number 6 and got quite a few in the drain.so he was really weeping cos of that lor.poor kid.we were quite sympathetic to that little boy.interesting to see someone so young play too.
oh and i think that tan i got with marian by basking in the sun while watching xiu xiu our another best friend play basketball looks quite good on me....lol .....vain pot haha.dunno if she looks more hot after that tan.but it's nice,cos u get that very nice feeling after the tan.though it will hurt sometimes just touching my skin.a tan makes u look healthier :)
so looking forward to tomorrow now,even though i have not done the maths tutorials yet.but who cares la,just enjoy life now.our class didn't get the econs tutorial also.quite sad la,but whole class dun have so never mind.who cares.
"plak!";
x 4:50 pm
policy of neutrality?
these days,i dun really talk much.maybe i would see an occasional ex-dwelling mate and give a passionate greeting.but we're always going in the opposite directions whenever we meet.the time i talk most would be in the morning when i'm seated in the safety of my cat high mates.ok my days in aj aren't that bad as it sounds lah;i know more people everyday,and am trying very hard to memorise all their names!even cat high ppl whom i've seen for 4 years but never cared a hoot at,have suddenly become my friends.so,that is a positive sign.but the more friends i make,the quieter i get.it's freaking me out.i'm so afraid of myself now.i dun talk,for fear of saying the wrong things.i'm not egoistic,but there's a feeling i'm crumbling back to my anti-socialism,though in school i may be cheerful,wear the widest grin:i dun get it.
but now i think i do.everyone else has so much more to talk because they have opinions.i don't.i've always been so pacifist since sec 4,to this extent that i really rarely talk bad about anything.my mind works 2 ways now,agree/disagree,get interested and talk more/dun bother and shut down.this shouldn't be the case.i always thought sitting in the middle of the fence would be the best thing to do.suddenly i remember the twelve kingdoms.yoko nakajima hurt the people around her and herself too,just because she was trying too hard to be nice to everyone by accommodating to her friends and trying to be neutral about everything.now i get it.the immediate effects of being neutral are that you will not be hated by anyone,and everyone treats you nicely.long term effects.erm...it's more damaging personally.i dun know what i'm typing here.mind's a wreck.
i think i miss those days.those days when i felt myself,truely happy.but my memory is real bad.i couldn't even memorise my class number,and i forgot the names of the classmates i talked to today.that's how bad it is.nowadays my voice is quite soft i guess.so unlike me.the days when i talked like a serpent and screamed the heads off people.those days when i was really angry,and you heard wrath dispensed with every utterance.that defined character.but now,i'm being nice to everyone.am i trying too hard?but it comes naturally to me to be nice to people.but i dun feel comfortable anymore. maybe i've been too hardened these 4 years such that i feel miserable trying to be myself.of course you can already see i am delusional/disillusioned(never cared about their differences).ah well,i'm not making sense to anyone now.i shall stop here.impressions are very important you know.and i've done a good job of making a bad one.hah.
"plak!";
x 10:06 pm
36/05
i'm so unenthusiastic about my new class i guess.i couldn't even remember my class number the day i got it.didn't copy anything down or whatsoever.when we got to our decrepit homeroom,across the continent,an iron curtain had descended....okay cut the crap i meant boys were sitting by themselves,girls by the otherselves(i love coining my own words).we had to do this short introduction,everyone of us,where we told people what they wanted to know of us.mine was a total disaster which isolated me from the rest of my class at the very worst.
my teacher started and included stuff like favourite soccer team,so it was almost customary that every person talked about his/her favourite soccer team,regardless of the league
see,the structure of the girls is such that quite a number are in cliques(it's normal still),and there will be a choir girl in every clique or so.so i said something like this,"i'm from choir and am not going to continue choir.and i don't care about soccer."
oops.bad move.
"plak!";
x 8:48 pm
here's what they say
so much to write,so much i want to say,but it's impossible!as u may know,i'm very siao about my character analysis de lor.today we all pasted paper and drew tortoises :P , i mean wrote testimonials about the guy we're writing on.so here's what i got!
For e brethren
You noe Hu is waiting!
--------------
Funny Choir Boy brother! =)
Good luck with...heh.
Join drama and badminton k?
------------
Hey Herrick!(that kinda rhymes right)I think you're cool and funny too.keep in touch
cheers,maryam :)
------------
Nice guy,Funny
------------
ok guy,nice
------------
nice person who is always funny
------------
Nice fellow cat high junior.helpful and friendly.Good luck to your future life in AJ.
------------
Hmm..i think you're quite cheerful ba!But i find it weird that i'm called vivacious...hmmm..N you said tt it mean flirt!Ah!How can you say that?Hahaz!Anyway,all the best ba!Hope you'll always remain happy,cheerful and great....sandy
------------
nice person...don't really know you well...but i think at least at least u try to mix around.
------------
Well i tink ur name is cool!Always see you laughing with the guys,therefore inference tells me ur a cool,funky and lame guy.Thank social studies for it- Shu Min
------------
quite nice person lah...Also quite cool bah...
------------
haha.i think u are a cool guy.don't know why you said u were antisocial(though i dun think you are)ER...nothing much to say...just that u are real cool bax.Tata~ -YuLing
u interested in her right?hahahaha
------------
Yoz.Hahaz.dun really know you.think u are a nice person.Rock on.Smiles always.
------------
Hi,don't really know you well other than the fact that you are from catholic high..haha so sorry i din't put in enough effort to know you better.Anyway,just want to wish you all the best in studies and future endeavours in life.Take care,Daphne
------------------------------------
-end,no more to read-
i do know i will be slaughtered for doing this,but then i'm very careless one....so i am afraid to lose the paper so i rather put it up here...what a lame excuse!
ok come on my secondary school friends,laugh come on!keywords found are....nice(why is it so abundant!),cool(u would never have thought it true),funky(lol i'm such a nerd who listens to classical music no life la how can be funky),funny(depends on ur definition of humour:D),helpful(of course!:P volunteering is much more fun actually),friendly(antisocial i thought?),lame(always has been!),happy(so many good friends of course la),cheerful(i know you're still laughing),great(many perspectives to consider actually,guess i dun need to know)
yea and different ppl thought i liked 4 girls in the dwelling.made me very very confused.my mind's in a whirl..and i'm not going to say anything for now,cos i really dun have the answers.heaven is playing a cruel game with me.
"plak!";
x 1:20 am
orientation
okie i've been a lazy whore and have updated my posts so irregularly,and that's cos i've been so busy and tired!(and cos of my sickening irksome pleasedonotimitate attitude quoth"i blog whenever i feel like it")
okie la...only today then i know most of the ppl in veneti,so i'm quite ashamed.
first friend i knew was my brother,xavier!talk so much crap with me these few days,and we're quite close le lah....
second friend maybe is melvin,who is xavier's schoolmate.we spent so much time talking non-stop about all the things we've come across these 4 years today while waiting for junhan and maryam.
third friend is marian..who is the most outspoken girl of veneti perhaps.today she joined our brotherhood.always see xavier and her suan each other.both almost fell into the nyp fountain today!that was so funny!
fourth would be jesper.first time i talked to him,he was quite pissed.you know why?cos we've been schoolmates for 4 years,and first thing i verbalised to him was "what's ur name?".oops.he's very serious in the things he does..and that does spoil the fun sometimes.i'm helping him change,that is if he realises it and accepts my help.if not,then sigh...
today we all went to nyp canteen to talk cock sing song play mahjong la,then supposedly was to get to know each other better.but then,when we got there,we started to sit in our clique formations sorta,and thus,we didn't get to talk to the others we never talked before=no new friends made lah..but i realised this on my way back home today.
we would have two choices just now:make new friends,or strengthen our current bonds with out friends we just made.so it's either one lor.i guess everyone made the latter decision,not that it's a bad decision.it's good to me,cos at least we would have known each other better and all that theory crap la...
then we officiated marian into the brotherhood set up by xavier and me,and yea marian became a brother!so i saw xavier had 2 packets of curry sauce,of which 1 pack was not going to be used.then marian had a crazy idea.to drink that packet.after a while,we all downed it,1/3 of the packet each.it's the craziest thing i've done so far i think,but i'm raring to do more of such insane acts!
we really enjoyed our current friends' company today,but unfortunately tomorrow's the final day of orientation.nevertheless,i really wish that these friends shall always be my friends forever!we all do homework in school together okay?not that i got to know everyone in my group,but now i know at least i can greet them the next time we meet.tmr,we are all gonna collect newspapers.yea,and xavier and marian and me are going together,that's for sure.it's 5 a block right?so i'm pulling jesper and melvin along most probably.
i'm gonna miss veneti.not forgetting my great DCs,maryam and junhan whom i've been maltreating just cos he's also from cat high:P
"plak!";
x 11:53 pm
