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existentialism:relevance to my life

i read up on my current passion-existentialism.the more i read,the more i get engrossed in it.
so,you would like to know what it means?i wanted to know too,but was told smack on the face that because it covers too diverse a topic,it is impossible to explain it...too bad?well,still there is hope.the basic structure of existentialism can be found here:
http://www.anselm.edu/homepage/dbanach/sartreol.htm

there are no religious sympathies in existentialism,as its proponents have been prominent theologians,atheists,mathematicians;though they may attack each other for their views on religion-which has been happening since people were dumb.(sorry,i'm a little biased here,but that is my own view,and you will never hear anything like that coming out from my mouth personally).

the reason why i can identify with existentialism is because all the while i've had these ideals since logic was known to me(circa 2000,about the time i left church).i thought only i had these ideals,as in only i would have this specific set of guidelines in my life.well,now that i see it,i'm amazed.
woot,i saw this quote by german philosopher,Nietzsche.i bet he's anti-christian.

"You will never get the crowd to cry Hosanna until you ride into town on an ass!" --Nietzsche
that's what he said.cool. i thought people only used direct examples to insult the rationality of the bible.ahh,i have thus learnt that people spoke with tact and sarcasm since then.using absurd(but true) examples to mock what is utterly absurd.if christians are looking for a fight here,you will be shown the door.i will not bother fighting.

ah well,for the sake of just knowing more about me,if you do want to,then continue reading.my famous quote,on being asked if i were antichrist is,"how can i be anti-christ when the so-called he doesn't even exist?"i would always say this and my mouth would well up and tilt quite some angle in sheer defiance.that's me when i come to religion.no more mr nice guy,no sweet stuff,just the facts that i want the people around me to know.
ah, but well,if you're a hardcore anti-christian,continue to be.if you're a fervent christian,continue to be.makes the world more exciting.(damn,this dampens the existentialist idea that the world is a pessimistic place)
sorry i slept 4 hours only,so my stuff are very messy.anyway i'm still clear enough to shout to some auntie who was talking to another auntie when they met in the middle of a housing estate small lane,and there was a taxi heading their way.i shouted and pointed at the taxi behind her,"auntie auntie!".she took her time to acknowledge i was shouting at her,and when she saw the taxi moving slowly behind her then only i heard a thank-you.phew.
and when i got home,i bought roti prata.she was insulting the food.in chinese "so disgusting!just like them!(indians)etc etc"damn i can't stand it.you know,i'm so nice to everyone i know,but she just makes me repulsive and hate her.she's the reason why i will scold vulgarities.on her(in secret,only my sis would know)only my sis and i can know what pain we are suffering daily.no one else would.see,no wonder i plunge more into existentialism.and there's that radio,which is on for the half of the day.she always listens to 97.2 in the afternoon.u know,i simply hate that programme.last time,they used to discuss sexual problems on it(erectile dysfunction,orgasm details....)you know how gross that is to young people like me and my sis?we like can't stand it lor!thank goodness the taiwanese host has shuffed his ass back to kmt land.better dun come back.he looks damn gay and is actually an auntie-killer.wth.but now,the only programme i get into contact into is this afternoon talkshow running the full length of the lighted day.the hosts are two bitches.one's a young but actually lifeless bitch of 25 to 30 maybe,who just got married.the other's an old unwanted hag of 40 to unknown age who often discusses how men should be, with her fellow compere,to women.no wonder no one wants her.she's damn bhb.and there is no such thing as a perfect gentleman.there are gentlemen,but no perfect ones.she's always insulting men indirectly etc etc,all the middle-aged women worries of unfaithfulness and all.and my mum loves the programme cos of that.she claims my dad was unfaithful to her,so everytime she listens to such woes people brainlessly pour out,she would just add her own experiences and again,my sis and i....well,i'm tired of it,in both senses of the word.most sickening thing is actually what the hosts call themselves.directly translated,one's called big lass,the other's small lass.act cute.i feel so nauseated always.but these people are there for a good purpose-to remind people they have brains,cos the acute lack of the hosts' brains does irk me.it's public media you know?mediacorp...mediacrap.....whatever la,we know best.one welcome addition doesn't change it much :0

i'm getting close to my sister nowadays.cos we both agree that we would never treat our offspring,if any,the way my mum treats us.obviously we have been through hell and high water,fire and brimstone that we actually know we would RATHER our kids NOT know of the sufferings we went through.to me,life is an endless struggle,in which everyone faces the same amount of problems.for me,maybe financial,but i am quite satisfied with other aspects of my life.i enjoy it.good news.as i am always around when my sis uses the comp(it's in my room),she would always listen to erm...pop or whatever.i know the songs better than her now ;) i dun go for lyrics,but the tunes and melodies rather.indication:i am starting to sing the songs...though classical music would still be my fav.i got hooked onto classical in primary six i think.was in the comp lab,and in those days,midis were the most advanced (prolly only) forms of digital music.so when i went into the lab,i got into powerpoint and started searching the files.i didn't search intentionally for them,but i just wanted to hear the files that were more than a twinking of an eye.so i started listening...most impactful and impressionistic was bach's brandenburg concerto no.4 first movement.the rhythms just throbbed my heart.intervals were all so timely...and there was that trait that you knew was of bach's the moment u heard it.

meanwhile,hope you've all enjoyed my few stanzas.did it with the encouragement of e tuition fren lol.i didn't mean it to be that morbid actually,but i headed off with intention of reaching a balanced viewpoint,so i started with the morose version first.i don't know when the 2nd would be completed.i presume you all like it yea?the intention was to create something simple and cold,emotionless while being encapsulated in the full quintessence,hence the lack of seeming sophistication,and bombastic words you would like to see in literary expressions.don't worry,my looks don't do anything to me.i wun get happy nor sad over them.they're given by our parents aye?so we can't put any blame or stuff on them.that's not going to be fair!anyway,what do looks matter?you can be pretty,but yet you're so evil.you can be demure,yet so rebellious(not that it's bad).handsome but dumb,dumb-looking but smart.actually i'm quite aghast that i've friends ploughing through my pages of junk.but if you're bored then :D or maybe you just picked one particular post,or....i should stop reading too much into things again.bad habit.but being such an observer rather than a participant much of the time,perhaps that is the best thing i ought to do yet.rise of nations,now,here i come!if only i could get a 128 mb graphics boost to my comp as a christmas gift...

"plak!";
x 2:20 pm

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